A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273475
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:14 pm

Posted a form of this a few days ago so it might sound familiar... made some significant changes thought. Looking for any feedback/criticism. Am I on the right track?? Thanks all.

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jselson
Posts: 6337
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:51 am

Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

Postby jselson » Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:23 am

What are your numbers?

This is the sort of essay that will neither help nor hurt you. Where your numbers predict you'll get in, you'll get in. It's utterly predictable, but competently written and shows you're a good dude. But it just lacks a unique personality. It's the lack of strong verbs and unique phrasing, I think. It basically reads like every TFA essay.

Only thing that really stood out as wrong was "touching the taking pictures." Huh?

Also, whenever I see the word "rigorous" in a PS, I react negatively to it. I figure most adcomms do the same, especially when combined with superficial school namedropping (although the "location" reason is a legitimately good one).

Not meaning to be harsh - again, it's perfectly acceptable, and the story/goals make sense. But it isn't memorable.

tirakon
Posts: 81
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:16 pm

Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

Postby tirakon » Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:55 am


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jump_man
Posts: 188
Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 12:05 am

Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

Postby jump_man » Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:54 am


Anonymous User
Posts: 273475
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Jul 28, 2013 3:22 pm

OP here. Thanks for the tips all. I will see what I can do to make it more memorable.

In response to the numbers question, I'm at 3.2/175, so I imagine my PS will come into play more frequently than most.




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