(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Postby You'vegotmail » Mon Jul 22, 2013 8:20 pm

Last edited by You'vegotmail on Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Draft Uno- Excuse my French

Postby mvonh001 » Mon Jul 22, 2013 8:28 pm

I think you should open with the I was abused paragraph... when i read that I was taken in... I think the paragraph needs ot be touched up, no doubt about it, but I think you shuold open with that, then follow that up with you current 1st and 2nd paragraph. I just don't see the jump from ballerina and seeing the world in a new light to sex abuse, to back to being all happy... There should be some rhyme to your reasoning to place that in there at that point... It not to be the crescendo, then to start the essay off at a low point.

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Re: Draft Uno- Excuse my French

Postby rebexness » Tue Jul 23, 2013 1:32 am

That sexual abuse sentence has no place in this essay. Either make it a main point, or take it out, but you should know not to drop that kind of thing like a buzzword.

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