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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

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Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:13 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:32 am, edited 3 times in total.

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jselson
Posts: 6337
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:51 am

Re: First draft - any suggestions greatly appreciated

Postby jselson » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:21 pm

If you want anyone to get past the first sentence, you need to change it immediately. You sound like James and the Giant Peach. (No offense, just being honest.)

Anonymous User
Posts: 273075
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: First draft - any suggestions greatly appreciated

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:29 pm

Appreciate the honesty, got rid of the first couple of sentences. Slow day at work and I have been playing around with alot of ideas.




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