LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Jul 07, 2013 3:34 am

..to PS (only 2 paragraphs now but will be expanding). I'll be very appreciate of any informed feedback to improve

Today I see immense yet surmountable challenges in country_x's burgeoning technology industry where innovation is hampered by lack of enforceable regulation. Working through my recent patent on the design of a computer chip exposed me to great intricacies involved in solving these issues. With my experience in leading a growing company owning protected IP and leading new development at company_y, I see large number of similar companies in country_x navigating the country’s weak IP system. Large swaths of enterprising population of country_x want to seize the growth opportunity brought on by the developing technology industry. But, it also carries a risk common to all uncontrolled change of going awry.
I experienced it personally in my journey from my small town to city_z and then to America. Later, in helping immigrants who are undergoing similar change at both my graduate school and a nonprofit and in mentoring new employees at my technology work, I understand the stakes it has for country_x population. I always saw engineering as a means to a larger purpose of making an impact, a vehicle through which one could be counted in order to make a difference in the society. Leading development of IP regulation in country_x at this important juncture in the country’s history will be both challenging and satisfying. With the skills that I have acquired and aspiration that I have nurtured over the years, it is a purpose in whose quest I can devote my life.

ClubberLang
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Re: LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby ClubberLang » Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:11 am

It would be a good idea to write about your patent if you have one, but what you've written here is very weak. You mention a bunch of different things without really saying anything. I'd go with the patent story and develop it fully.

Anonymous User
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Re: LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:19 pm

ClubberLang wrote:It would be a good idea to write about your patent if you have one, but what you've written here is very weak. You mention a bunch of different things without really saying anything. I'd go with the patent story and develop it fully.


Thank you for your feedback, appreciate any feedback that helps improve it including from law students who have gone through this.

I saw some great PS on the sample page here that discuss an incident very well and delve into it and narrate it interestingly in emotional detail. Such an approach is very much aligned with what you typically see in Law school student body, highly intelligent people with great, almost poetic, writing skills. I on the other hand am trying a different approach of telling a story at very high operational almost business-like level rather than delving into minor details (which is not really what lsat tests or law trains for - since lsat and the whole law school process is very judgmental about whether someone is intellectually at par or not). In this approach, I'd have to place some trust in the admission committee to come through and make that connection based on scores, engineering job etc. Law schools admissions would know that in real life work outside of academia things are much more prosaic.

So I am using my PS to tie together my story of long years of work experience in more than a couple jobs that I have had since college (college was so long ago) at a bird's eye view in 2 pages. I figure it's important to present a high level connection of various data points since college. Or should it be done differently?

thanks for your feedback. I will really appreciate any and all informed suggestions toward improving it

risanian
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Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:13 am

Re: LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby risanian » Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:33 pm

The last line is a bit strong, might want change the wording around. I think you're going down the right path but I would stay away from the news article you were writing in the first paragraph and elaborate on the personal statement you were writing in the second paragraph. Hope it helps.

Also I plan on going into IP too, Good luck with everything!

ClubberLang
Posts: 208
Joined: Wed May 23, 2012 11:34 am

Re: LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby ClubberLang » Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:49 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
ClubberLang wrote:It would be a good idea to write about your patent if you have one, but what you've written here is very weak. You mention a bunch of different things without really saying anything. I'd go with the patent story and develop it fully.


Thank you for your feedback, appreciate any feedback that helps improve it including from law students who have gone through this. you're getting it

I saw some great PS on the sample page here that discuss an incident very well and delve into it and narrate it interestingly in emotional detail. Such an approach is very much aligned with what you typically see in Law school student body, highly intelligent people with great, almost poetic, writing skills. I on the other hand am trying a different approach of telling a story at very high operational almost business-like level rather than delving into minor details (which is not really what lsat tests or law trains for not true, law is all about fitting "minor" details into a framework - since lsat and the whole law school process is very judgmental about whether someone is intellectually at par or not). In this approach, I'd have to place some trust in the admission committee to come through and make that connection based on scores, engineering job etc. Law schools admissions would know that in real life work outside of academia things are much more prosaic.

So I am using my PS to tie together my story of long years of work experience in more than a couple jobs that I have had since college (college was so long ago) at a bird's eye view in 2 pages. I figure it's important to present a high level connection of various data points since college. Or should it be done differently?

thanks for your feedback. I will really appreciate any and all informed suggestions toward improving it


I'd go with something like-

I see challenges in X country. My experience leading a company owning protected IP and working through a patent on X showed me that an approach like Y is necessary. Discuss the challenges of the patent process, how you worked through it, and how you saw that a regulatory approach like ours is necessary to promote innovation.

You can also elaborate on your experience helping immigrants and how that has led you to devoting yourself to developing IP regulation in country X (a curious and ambitious goal, but whatever).

My criticism was based on you briefly mentioning a patent, then briefly mentioning this immigrant work, without getting into any detail. There are quite a few grandiose statements that you could tone down to make your goals sound more achievable. There's definitely some potential but it needs a rework.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: LS students, please comment about taking this approach..

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:19 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I on the other hand am trying a different approach of telling a story at very high operational almost business-like level rather than delving into minor details (which is not really what lsat tests or law trains for - since lsat and the whole law school process is very judgmental about whether someone is intellectually at par or not). In this approach,

op here. yes, intended to say the same, can word it better. The parentheses were meant for my approach/the whole clause "very high operational almost business-like level rather than delving into minor details" to suggest that my approach is unlike lsat as lsat/law school is all about minor details.

thanks for posting your suggestions, useful stuff

will be working to improving it




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