Thanks for the comments Forum
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Thanks for the comments
Thanks for your comments much appreciated
Last edited by akg144 on Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:07 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Re: Personal Statement - Please Critique
Just from reading the first sentence its pretty clear you need to tone down the vocab a bit.
I also dont get a great sense of who you are from this. I see that you're passionate about history and law but thats about it. I don't see what qualities you have that would make you a great lawyer or law student.
You say you want to be like these men and women and promote justice but it would be a lot more effective if you show what youve already done in regards to this.
I also dont get a great sense of who you are from this. I see that you're passionate about history and law but thats about it. I don't see what qualities you have that would make you a great lawyer or law student.
You say you want to be like these men and women and promote justice but it would be a lot more effective if you show what youve already done in regards to this.
- stuckinthemiddle
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- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:24 am
Re: Personal Statement - Please Critique
Remove the entire first paragraph. Absolutely unnecessary and the fact that you raped the thesaurus is incredibly apparent, and doesn't really reflect well on you as a writer.