Thanks for the comments

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
akg144
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:56 am

Thanks for the comments

Postby akg144 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:09 pm

Thanks for your comments much appreciated
Last edited by akg144 on Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:07 pm, edited 7 times in total.

politics89
Posts: 377
Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:50 am

Re: Personal Statement - Please Critique

Postby politics89 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:18 pm

Just from reading the first sentence its pretty clear you need to tone down the vocab a bit.

I also dont get a great sense of who you are from this. I see that you're passionate about history and law but thats about it. I don't see what qualities you have that would make you a great lawyer or law student.

You say you want to be like these men and women and promote justice but it would be a lot more effective if you show what youve already done in regards to this.

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stuckinthemiddle
Posts: 312
Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:24 am

Re: Personal Statement - Please Critique

Postby stuckinthemiddle » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:45 pm

Remove the entire first paragraph. Absolutely unnecessary and the fact that you raped the thesaurus is incredibly apparent, and doesn't really reflect well on you as a writer.




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