Like others have said, the piece needs to be rewritten. But focus just for a minute on this sentence, in particular the first two comma-delineated clauses. "I am a woman, unlike the rest of humanity . . . ." Well, at least 50% of the rest of humanity is a woman, so that sounds pretty weird. You probably meant: "I am a woman who, unlike the rest of humanity, used to cherish silly pleasures like sneaking out of the house to meet with friends, etc."Tigress wrote:I am a woman, unlike the rest of humanity, who used to cherish silly pleasures like sneaking out of the house to meet with my friends, stealing away to eat a piece of bread during the fasting season, and reading erotic novels that I hid like a teenager under my pillow.
Do you really think "unlike the rest of humanity" is right here? That starts the DS off with a pretty ludicrous claim, namely, that you are unlike the rest of humanity. And then you follow it up with some pretty mundane "silly pleasures" that are probably analogous to things that millions of other little girls like to do (although I don't know about erotic novels).
