Do You Like this Sentence?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Do You Like this Sentence?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:05 am

"I was in such physical and mental pain and anguish that I was put on heavy sedatives that induced a semi-comatose state"?

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PourMeTea
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Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:32 am

Post removed.

Postby PourMeTea » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:26 am

Post removed.
Last edited by PourMeTea on Fri May 08, 2015 12:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273138
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Do You Like this Sentence?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:05 am

PourMeTea wrote:Context


I was very sick and hospitalized

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jas1503
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Re: Do You Like this Sentence?

Postby jas1503 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:14 am

Anonymous User wrote:"I was in such physical and mental pain and anguish that I was put on heavy sedatives that induced a semi-comatose state"?

1. You can do without the multiple "and" since anguish is basically the same thing that you already mentioned.

2. Instead of "that I was", maybe mention who put you under sedatives.

3. I know that you're using "heavy" in the same sense as the word "strong", so why not just use strong or noxious--since the result put you in a state of harm.




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