Criminal History Addendum! Help please!

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ledv
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:41 pm

Criminal History Addendum! Help please!

Postby ledv » Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:53 am

Hello! I'm new to the forums and had a criminal history addendum draft written up and was wondering if you guys can help me with it.


"On March 30th 2010, I was enrolled in my 2nd year at (University here), and was heading to my next class and had to cross through the campus park to get to my class. Some friends were at a smoking area at a distance and waved at me to come and say hello. I stopped by and noticed that they were smoking marijuana and a police officer at the moment comes and searches everyone. I was guilty of having a fake identification card in my possession. The case became diverted as I had chose to complete a diversion program which consisted of partaking Drug and Alcohol Awareness course.

On April 3rd, 2010, I was driving home to (my city here) late around 3AM. The streets in (city) were hard to follow since they were on small signs and my vision goes bad at night so I flashed my high beams to see which street I was on and a police officer pulled me over due to flashing my lights. He said that my eyes were red and told me to get out of my car and began to search me and my vehicle. He had found four ecstasy pills and arrested me. Though I was not under the influence of any narcotics, I was guilty of the possession of the controlled substances. I was able to get this case dismissed by participating in the PC1000 program offered by the judge in court and payed a fine.

The charges above represent the careless and naïve actions of an immature adolescent who made poor decisions, which resulted in severe consequences for myself and for the people who supported me in my life. I was and am fully responsible for my actions, and was justly punished by the California courts for my legal errors. It would be an huge understatement for me to say that I regret this young and confused part of my adolescent life. I would look back at what happened and ask myself, “What was I thinking?” and these events would always haunt my thoughts. I know that I have no one to blame for what happened but myself. The shame, the remorse, and the feeling that I let down everyone who cared about me due to my past acts of juvenile delinquency. These events changed my life and pushed me to change my life for the better and since then I have grown more mature.

I feel that I have moved on from that immature part of my life and since that time, I have made a serious effort to lead my life with maturity, purpose, and personal responsibility. Since these incidents, I have put a more stronger emphasis on schoolwork and balanced multiple jobs, working around 30 hours on top of having a rigorous 20 unit course load and performing exceptionally better than my previous years. On top of that, I have both participated in separate Drug and Alcohol Programs which have taught me the dangers of alcohol and drug use and the impact it has on people. I have also engaged in the counseling role as Risk Management chair for other members of my organization to reduce drug and alcohol use and to let them know about the risks. I have also participated and volunteered in many philanthropies that have been a good cause to many organizations, such as the Blind Children's Learning Center, American Heart Association, Down Syndrome Foundation of Orange County, and Orange County Human Society.

Looking back I feel that I have grown a lot more mature the past 3 years since these incidents and have lived my life for the better. Moving from the immature and careless years, I feel that my maturity has grown. My grades had significantly gone up, and I felt more mature handling my own expenses for rent and living conditions by having multiple jobs. My maturity has grown also because of reminiscing about the negative events that happened to me in the past and did not want my future to revolve around that. To this day, I still have 3 jobs that I am currently participating in along with the goal of getting into law school and studying the law."





Any help/critique would be appreciated!
-LEDV

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gaud
Posts: 5790
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:58 am

Re: Criminal History Addendum! Help please!

Postby gaud » Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:55 am

Way, way, wayyyy too much.

Keep it short and simple. The school will ask if they want to know more.

"On this date, I was arrested and charged for this. My punishment was this. I successfully completed all obligations and charges were lowered/dropped/whatever. I have not been in trouble since."


Stick to the facts bro.

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stillwater
Posts: 3811
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:59 pm

Re: Criminal History Addendum! Help please!

Postby stillwater » Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:01 am

gaud wrote:Way, way, wayyyy too much.

Keep it short and simple. The school will ask if they want to know more.

"On this date, I was arrested and charged for this. My punishment was this. I successfully completed all obligations and charges were lowered/dropped/whatever. I have not been in trouble since."


Stick to the facts bro.


This. Short, tight and factual. Maybe one sentence to show contrition but otherwise no color commentary.

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jselson
Posts: 6337
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:51 am

Re: Criminal History Addendum! Help please!

Postby jselson » Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:17 pm

Also, the less you write, the less chance you have to make grammatical mistakes. Your tenses are pretty terrible.




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