Please comment on and rate my PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

Rate me PS

Excellent
6
17%
Very Good
9
25%
Good
11
31%
Fair
8
22%
Poor
2
6%
 
Total votes: 36

dagnygalt
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:46 am

Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:38 am

I kind of went an odd, risky route. What I particularly want to know is 1) what message does the PS send, 2) is it too different and any other comments/suggestions.


“Hide in the bathroom” he said. I was eight years old and the man talking to me was my mother’s boyfriend. We were in his motor home, pulling into the race track and he didn’t want to pay admission for the children. My brother and I squished into the tiny motor home bathroom and held our breath so that we didn’t make a peep. “You have to screw the world before it screws you” he said.
I grew up in a household where I was taught that everyone who had more than you didn’t deserve it, that stealing from them wasn’t wrong because it made things equal, that if you didn’t take, you would get taken. I knew at a very early age that I needed to escape, that if I stayed I would run the risk of being trapped in the cycle of entitlement, that the greatness inside of me that knew at eight years old that my parents were wrong about life, would be massacred.
“No one likes a bragger” she said. I was ten years old and I had just come home from school, ecstatic that I had gotten a perfect score on a tough math test and excited to show my older sister so that she would be proud of me too. My zealousness was quickly deflated. “Don’t make people feel bad because they aren’t as smart as you” she said.
I lived in a home where you were chastised for taking pride in your hard work, for taking pride in your achievement. I lived in a home that encouraged mediocrity, following the status quo and keeping your mouth shut because it required no extra effort, because it required no thought.
“Capitalism is evil” she said. I was fourteen years old and my aunt was driving me to school because my mother was too depressed to get out of bed. She had all the windows rolled down and the joint burning at the tips of her fingers was blowing in the wind, casting the smell of burning earth into the backseat. Her disability check for the mental condition she didn’t actually have kept her pot dealer in business. “It forces us to compete against each other instead of living in harmony” she said.
I was taught to believe that laziness and ineptitude were never the fault of the lazy or inept, but that the determined and capable brought them down with greed. I was taught that you should be rewarded for your need, rather than your effort.
“I just can’t handle stress” she said. I was sixteen years old and my mother had just been released from the psychiatric hospital. She had been tripling the dosage of Xanax prescribed to her which caused her to have a complete mental breakdown. For days she had been having delusions, thinking she was someone else and somewhere else. My brother had found her in the backyard, chasing floating musical notes in the sky. “You are stronger than me so you have a responsibility to take care of me” she said.
I was taught that others’ weaknesses granted claim to my strength. I was taught that I should take into consideration everyone else’s feeling before my own, that I should think about everyone else's opinion before I formulate mine, that I should sacrifice myself for the good of others, that my happiness came last. I was taught that I didn’t matter.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving” he said. I was eighteen years old and my brother was standing in front of the U-Haul that housed everything I owned. I had told my family three weeks earlier that I would be moving 1200 miles away. No one had believed me until they saw the 5000 pound declaration of independence parked in the driveway. The small part of me that had thought that I would somehow be able to help my family, that I would somehow be able to change their characters, that I would somehow be able to save them, had realized that if I stayed, it would be them who had the power to change me. “But, we need you” he said.
I left, because I wanted to discover the people out there who had more than me and deserved it, the people who never wanted to take anything from anyone, but wanted to earn it. I left because I wanted to meet the people who weren’t afraid of proclaiming that the emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes, the people who knew that their opinions and feelings matter.
“You’re a tough cookie” she said. I was 22 years old, it was 2am and my co-worker and I were standing on a scaffold, scrubbing the grease stained ceiling of a fast food restaurant’s kitchen. I had picked up a second job overnight to save more money for college. The woman speaking to me was a single mother of three who worked eighty hours a week so that her children wouldn’t have to go without. I had never once heard her complain. “I’ve never seen another woman do this job” she said.
I discovered that I could take joy in any work, even in painstakingly scrubbing those ceiling tiles, because it was the product of my effort, it was the product of my volitional choice. I discovered the fulfillment that resulted from the achievement of a job well done, the need for a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and I wanted more.
“Please take a seat here” he said. I was 27 years old and the Dean was eagerly pointing to a chair next to the President of my college. I was being inducted as an officer of the highest ranking honor society at my school. Our guest speaker was a 58 year old professor of oceanography who had decided at 38, in the middle of a successful marketing career, that she was going to start all over and go back to school, earn her doctorate and teach. She had decided that she wanted her life to be different, and she changed it. “Congratulations. You should be proud” he said.
And, I was. I had learned that my drive, my ambition, my strength, these are values that made me a more moral person, not some intangible noose held over me as a threat of imprisonment. I had learned that my happiness comes first.
“Yes, I still want to go to law school” I said. I was 28 years old and the director of my department had asked me to come to his office to offer me a promotion. When I had started five years earlier, I had been open with my intentions to leave for law school before I turned thirty. He also knew, however, that I didn’t have the propensity to give less than my best, that I couldn’t sleep at night if I hadn’t put in my full effort during the day, that I was always looking for a bigger challenge. “Thank you, but I think I will be even luckier to have them” I said.
I’ve learned that my future is one without excuses, without laziness, one above mediocrity, one where I can try to get the best out of myself and be proud of it. I’ve learned that I would rather have self-worth than self-pity, I would rather produce than take, I would rather live than merely prevent death. I have learned that I matter.

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:25 am

This was totally captivating. The structure of introducing us to eras of your life through paragraph launching quotes from your life is indicative of a very skilled writing style. Your descriptions are vivid and your prose is good throughout and excellent in moments. That 5000 pound declaration of independence line is fantastic, IMO.

Overall, I get a very good sense of exactly who you are as a person and if your LORs can reflect ths person you're portraying yourself to be you should have no problem getting AdComms to buy into your abilities (assuming your numbers are up to par of course).

Now for the negatives -

1) "I left because I wanted to meet the people who weren’t afraid of proclaiming that the emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes, the people who knew that their opinions and feelings matter."

This sentence is awkward. The emperor line is a bit cliche and not very useful and the opinions and feelings line doesn't make much sense in the context of why you left. Self-sufficiency, the virtues of ambition, and rugged independence are your themes here, stick with them. I didn't get "your opinions don't matter" out of your childhood story. Faintly but not enough to say you left to matter, that sounds a bit juvenile. Not saying it is, just sounds like it. Oddly enough the line at the end totally works, just not here.

2) "Volitional choice" is redundant. The nature of choice is that it must be by volition.

3) The biggest issue I have with the essay is the you don't ever explain, even tangentially, why you want to go to law school. The context of your essay makes it so that the reader can only assume that your personal ambition is so deep and driven, as a result of your childhood, that you are doing it for prestige, self-worth, and money. That's cool, not everyone wants to do PI, PD, or pro-bono.

But for those who don't shower their PSs with I want to save the world talk, they discuss what mental faculties make law school a perfect fit or what kind of law they're fascinated by and would like to focus on and practice, as a result of XY and Z or whatever. A clean paragraph following your second to last one would make this a much better essay.

tigyrgrl
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby tigyrgrl » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:04 am

I agree that you should insert a paragraph towards the end explaining your goals in law school.

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jselson
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby jselson » Sat Feb 16, 2013 1:30 pm

Is your #1 George Mason?

Also, take out the whole "would rather produce than take" manichean libertarianism, the last paragraph becomes parodic in its world-splitting sense of moral correctness.

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Xs20
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby Xs20 » Sat Feb 16, 2013 1:45 pm

Wow. Usually I'll start reading one of these, get bored of it and stop after the first few sentences. Read the whole thing and loved it. Really unique format and excellent writing.

John_rizzy_rawls wrote:3) The biggest issue I have with the essay is the you don't ever explain, even tangentially, why you want to go to law school. The context of your essay makes it so that the reader can only assume that your personal ambition is so deep and driven, as a result of your childhood, that you are doing it for prestige, self-worth, and money. That's cool, not everyone wants to do PI, PD, or pro-bono.

I don't necessarily agree with this. You don't always have to explain why you want to go to law school. If a school wanted everyone to address this, they'd ask you to write a statement of purpose, not a personal statement. The goal of the latter is mostly to paint yourself in a positive light and give the reader a feel for who you are as a person. I think you've done that wonderfully.

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:20 pm

Xs20 wrote:Wow. Usually I'll start reading one of these, get bored of it and stop after the first few sentences. Read the whole thing and loved it. Really unique format and excellent writing.

John_rizzy_rawls wrote:3) The biggest issue I have with the essay is the you don't ever explain, even tangentially, why you want to go to law school. The context of your essay makes it so that the reader can only assume that your personal ambition is so deep and driven, as a result of your childhood, that you are doing it for prestige, self-worth, and money. That's cool, not everyone wants to do PI, PD, or pro-bono.

I don't necessarily agree with this. You don't always have to explain why you want to go to law school. If a school wanted everyone to address this, they'd ask you to write a statement of purpose, not a personal statement. The goal of the latter is mostly to paint yourself in a positive light and give the reader a feel for who you are as a person. I think you've done that wonderfully.


Zero indication of why a law school should accept you or why you're putting 3 years and tons of money into an endeavor? Yeah, no. Can you do without it, sure I guess, is it advisable? No, it's just not.

XLogic
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby XLogic » Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:36 pm

The Good: Great writing, intelligent phrases, great tempo, unified theme.

The Bad: You do not go deep. You talk about your family members and their negative behavior, but you do not go into detail about how you felt about this, why were you different from them? what drove you to excellence? I was looking for the crescendo -- not required but it would make sense -- i.e., "this one incident (huge event) made me decide to leave, and I never looked back..." or "I will take this experience with me on my law school journey" etc...

Your essay made me think about a good classical music, with a recognizable hook, repeated over and over again, but each time with an additional instrument or different tone, and then there is the crescendo!!

Where is yours?

The Ugly: none.

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Xs20
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby Xs20 » Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:11 pm

John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Zero indication of why a law school should accept you or why you're putting 3 years and tons of money into an endeavor? Yeah, no. Can you do without it, sure I guess, is it advisable? No, it's just not.

The former deans of admissions at UChicago and Vanderbilt disagree with you.

Again, if admissions officers wanted to know why you're pursuing a law degree, they'd ask you expressly and you'd be writing a statement of purpose. Most people have lousy/cliché reasons for going to law school, so most schools don't bother asking. The only people who should definitely be discussing why they want a law degree are older applicants who are changing careers. For everyone else, it's usually more effective to give the admissions officer a sense of who you are, and let them conclude for themselves why you'd be a good law student.

dagnygalt
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 7:36 pm

Thank you for the thoughtful suggestions. I completely agree with each of your remarks.

Now that I re-read it, I think the "emperor" line is weak and cliche as well.

As far as the "why" I want to go to law school, this is a big problematic because it has to do with an epiphany into libertarian values, and as we all know, law schools are very liberal. I had tinkered with the idea of adding in another paragraph about wanting to work in Con law, but I was worried that it would turn off AdComm's and also sound cliche because it has to do with Ayn Rand. (I know).

My numbers are pretty decent, not stellar... 165 and 3.9 LSDAS. Do you think it makes a big difference that I worked full-time throughout my entire academic career?

John_rizzy_rawls wrote:This was totally captivating. The structure of introducing us to eras of your life through paragraph launching quotes from your life is indicative of a very skilled writing style. Your descriptions are vivid and your prose is good throughout and excellent in moments. That 5000 pound declaration of independence line is fantastic, IMO.

Overall, I get a very good sense of exactly who you are as a person and if your LORs can reflect ths person you're portraying yourself to be you should have no problem getting AdComms to buy into your abilities (assuming your numbers are up to par of course).

Now for the negatives -

1) "I left because I wanted to meet the people who weren’t afraid of proclaiming that the emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes, the people who knew that their opinions and feelings matter."

This sentence is awkward. The emperor line is a bit cliche and not very useful and the opinions and feelings line doesn't make much sense in the context of why you left. Self-sufficiency, the virtues of ambition, and rugged independence are your themes here, stick with them. I didn't get "your opinions don't matter" out of your childhood story. Faintly but not enough to say you left to matter, that sounds a bit juvenile. Not saying it is, just sounds like it. Oddly enough the line at the end totally works, just not here.

2) "Volitional choice" is redundant. The nature of choice is that it must be by volition.

3) The biggest issue I have with the essay is the you don't ever explain, even tangentially, why you want to go to law school. The context of your essay makes it so that the reader can only assume that your personal ambition is so deep and driven, as a result of your childhood, that you are doing it for prestige, self-worth, and money. That's cool, not everyone wants to do PI, PD, or pro-bono.

But for those who don't shower their PSs with I want to save the world talk, they discuss what mental faculties make law school a perfect fit or what kind of law they're fascinated by and would like to focus on and practice, as a result of XY and Z or whatever. A clean paragraph following your second to last one would make this a much better essay.

dagnygalt
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:09 pm

So I was hoping that the mom story was the climax, but I also felt the same way as you, that it didn't necessarily stand out as such. While I do want to point out in the PS that I wasn't born with a silver spoon and have had to work for everything I have, I don't want it to seem "poor me." I say this because the real catalyst for me leaving was my step dad beating the crap out of me. I don't know if I really should go into that but I certainly think you are right and that I need to have more of a climactic point.

I love that you relate my PS to good classical music, because I can't write without headphones blaring music in my ears and all of the music in my writing playlist has that great crescendo, epic feeling to it.

Some of the schools I want to apply to have a 2 page limit. Any suggestions on what to cut or how to trim it down?

XLogic wrote:The Good: Great writing, intelligent phrases, great tempo, unified theme.

The Bad: You do not go deep. You talk about your family members and their negative behavior, but you do not go into detail about how you felt about this, why were you different from them? what drove you to excellence? I was looking for the crescendo -- not required but it would make sense -- i.e., "this one incident (huge event) made me decide to leave, and I never looked back..." or "I will take this experience with me on my law school journey" etc...

Your essay made me think about a good classical music, with a recognizable hook, repeated over and over again, but each time with an additional instrument or different tone, and then there is the crescendo!!

Where is yours?

The Ugly: none.

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:14 pm

Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.

XLogic
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby XLogic » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:20 pm

@dagnygalt, don't worry about the 2-page limit yet, till you've written your best essay -- 3 pages... 3.5 pages.. whatever. Then once you are sure about the essay content, then write shorter drafts and get feedback on them.

I am speaking from experience. Initially, I tried to write a 700 word limit essay and I ended up with an incomplete story which took me several days to figure out and fix. I think it's better to write a complete story first, no matter how long it is. Then work on taking out the extraneous stuff.

I actually ended up with two essays. One was 850 words (3 pages-double space), the other was 700 words (2 pages-double space). In my opinion, the former was superior to the latter, but both did the job.

Sorry-- my advice is a bit too general.

XLogic
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby XLogic » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:26 pm

John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.


165, 3.9 is pretty good stuff, cmon. That gives you a shot at T-14. Only consider re-taking if you are pretty confident that you can break 170.

Also, include your part-time/full-time work while going to school. The fact that you pulled a 3.9 and worked at the same time is great!!

Good luck!

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:28 pm

XLogic wrote:
John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.


165, 3.9 is pretty good stuff, cmon. That gives you a shot at T-14. Only consider re-taking if you are pretty confident that you can break 170.

Also, include your part-time/full-time work while going to school. The fact that you pulled a 3.9 and worked at the same time is great!!

Good luck!


No, stop giving awful advice.

(165) http://myLSN.info/tzll03 v. (169) http://myLSN.info/3ev2p0

Be careful not to only note the MASSIVE difference in acceptance percentages (sea of T14 red vs. sea of T14 green and yellow) but also the difference in scholarship money. A few points on the learnable LSAT can make and save you thousands of dollars.

Not retaking is a bad, ill-advised, and naive decision.

cgw
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby cgw » Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:48 pm

jselson wrote:Is your #1 George Mason?

Also, take out the whole "would rather produce than take" manichean libertarianism, the last paragraph becomes parodic in its world-splitting sense of moral correctness.


lol. This.

dagnygalt
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:24 pm

Before I took it, I had told myself that 168 was my floor and that I would retake for anything less. I then realized that I was be 30 this year and don't have the time to waste. I do, however, think I can do better, considering I only studied for 3-4 weeks.... I know, I know.

Why is it that whenever someone scores < 170, everyone suggests retaking? A 165 is still the top 9% -- I know I can't get into HYSCCN, but that is still better than 91% of LSAT takers.

So I actually have two more questions -- I know it doesn't belong in this thread, but you guys have been so helpful.

Does it matter that I scored highest on the LSAT out of everyone who has gone to my school over the last three years? I know this because LSAC shows the percentiles for three years, and only 1% of 134 students scored in the top 10%, which was me. The reason I ask leads into my second question. I, surprisingly, have gotten letters asking me to apply and merit based fee waivers from two of the top 10 schools- Michigan, and UVA. Do you think that's odd considering my LSAT? Could the fact that I have the highest LSAT at my school factor in?


John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:28 pm

No that second point doesn't matter at all. If you want to see why it matters compare the two links in my post above. It makes a world of difference in terms of the schools, opportunities, and scholarship money is opens up.

3-4 weeks is nothing and law school isn't going anywhere. It's recommended here because the site is not Mediocre Law Schools, feel me?

Follow PithyPike's or one of the many amazing guides with top notch materials and you'll be incredibly happy you did so. Trust me on this one.

dagnygalt
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:29 pm

Thanks. I am hoping schools see it that way as well.



XLogic wrote:
John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.


165, 3.9 is pretty good stuff, cmon. That gives you a shot at T-14. Only consider re-taking if you are pretty confident that you can break 170.

Also, include your part-time/full-time work while going to school. The fact that you pulled a 3.9 and worked at the same time is great!!

Good luck!

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John_rizzy_rawls
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby John_rizzy_rawls » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:31 pm

dagnygalt wrote:Thanks. I am hoping schools see it that way as well.



XLogic wrote:
John_rizzy_rawls wrote:Retake the LSAT. Don't waste your unique experience, above average PS, and stellar GPA on a 165. Unless you're a URM. Even still, retake for 4+ points at least and you'll be competitive for every non-HYS T14. Score a 171+ and HYS is in play.


165, 3.9 is pretty good stuff, cmon. That gives you a shot at T-14. Only consider re-taking if you are pretty confident that you can break 170.

Also, include your part-time/full-time work while going to school. The fact that you pulled a 3.9 and worked at the same time is great!!

Good luck!


No, they won't. They will see your LSAT and GPA first and foremost. That advice is not beneficial to you whatsoever, no matter how reasonable it may sound or how impatient you're being regarding age and law school.

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UnamSanctam
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby UnamSanctam » Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:51 pm

dagnygalt wrote:Before I took it, I had told myself that 168 was my floor and that I would retake for anything less. I then realized that I was be 30 this year and don't have the time to waste. I do, however, think I can do better, considering I only studied for 3-4 weeks.... I know, I know.

Why is it that whenever someone scores < 170, everyone suggests retaking? A 165 is still the top 9% -- I know I can't get into HYSCCN, but that is still better than 91% of LSAT takers.

So I actually have two more questions -- I know it doesn't belong in this thread, but you guys have been so helpful.

Does it matter that I scored highest on the LSAT out of everyone who has gone to my school over the last three years? I know this because LSAC shows the percentiles for three years, and only 1% of 134 students scored in the top 10%, which was me. The reason I ask leads into my second question. I, surprisingly, have gotten letters asking me to apply and merit based fee waivers from two of the top 10 schools- Michigan, and UVA. Do you think that's odd considering my LSAT? Could the fact that I have the highest LSAT at my school factor in?


No, it's not odd that you were asked to apply for merit-based fee waivers from Michigan and UVA given your 3.9 GPA. But you still have a longshot with that LSAT unless you're a URM.

Your personal statement was about your personal grit and tenacity. One of the only positive figures in it was a woman who, at the age of 38, started from square one. By contrast, you put 4 weeks into studying for a test, and you're only 31. You already put the time into building up a stellar GPA so you're not even starting from scratch yourself. Put the time in for a retake, score higher, and then wow HYSCCN with this personal statement. It's good; I rarely read these things.

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jselson
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby jselson » Sat Feb 16, 2013 10:20 pm

Guys, let the guy rationally decide that 165 is a fantastic score, and rationally achieve top 1-5% at American and rationally realize that it's "not that important that I definitely do biglaw, there's always in-house," and then rationally take a job at Starbucks until his boss rationally lays him off, sells the business, and moves to Bermuda.

OP, if you don't retake, you'll completely be letting the libertarian movement down. Sacrifice! (Are you allowed to do that if you're a libertarian?)

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BelugaWhale
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby BelugaWhale » Sat Feb 16, 2013 10:55 pm

Just adding my thought. It's a good PS and well written. The unique structural setup also wins praise.

My main piece of advice is that the "he said, she said, I said" structure goes on for too long and starts getting repetitive. I would break into a regular writing style halfway through the piece instead of waiting untill the near end to actually start writing normally.

Good PS though, was interesting read overall

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thelawschoolproject
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Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby thelawschoolproject » Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:18 pm

I'm not as enthusiastic about your PS as most of the people ITT seem to be.

1). I do think you have the ability to create powerful prose; however, when you don't hit that mark you fall extremely flat. I found the beginning and the end of your PS to be especially strong. I was drawn in by the beginning (for the first couple sentences) and I did have an emotional reaction to the last few sentences. However, much of the material in between left me empty.

2). So, while the rhetorical device of comparing yourself to the members of your family works well the first time, the times after are far too much. You don't need this. And, it takes away from your PS. Remember, your PS is about you and when you focus on other people we aren't getting a chance to see you. 70% of your PS is "they did this...it was bad...so I did this" but that tells us nothing about you. Instead, all you're doing is listing different situations that don't build a cohesive picture of who you are. I agree with a previous poster who said that it seems like you are building to something, but then there's never an "ah ha" moment of any kind. This weakens your PS.

3). As I said, I do like the beginning and I'd advocate keeping that and even the first paragraph of the family he said/she did things. But, after that you need to focus solely on you and maybe some specific incident that really pushed you to be different and to achieve more. There's obviously something very unique about you and I'd advise you to tap into that as much as you can because there's probably a more effective PS somewhere in all of that.

4). In response to inserting "why I want to be a lawyer" in your PS, there's absolutely no reason that you need to do that. In fact, some of the best PSs make no reference of law school at all. However, if you make law part of your PS such as "yes I still want to go to law school" then it probably is advisable to make some kind of linkage.

Good luck.

dagnygalt
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:46 am

Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby dagnygalt » Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:19 pm

jselson wrote:Guys, let the guy rationally decide that 165 is a fantastic score, and rationally achieve top 1-5% at American and rationally realize that it's "not that important that I definitely do biglaw, there's always in-house," and then rationally take a job at Starbucks until his boss rationally lays him off, sells the business, and moves to Bermuda.


First, I am a chick.

Second, is it really T14 or no job prospects? I am assuming you will be starting law school in the fall, so what experience are you basing this on?

By contrast, you put 4 weeks into studying for a test, and you're only 31.


FYI - I am 29.

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UnamSanctam
Posts: 7176
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:17 am

Re: Please comment on and rate my PS

Postby UnamSanctam » Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:25 pm

dagnygalt wrote:Second, is it really T14 or no job prospects?


Of course not. But it is "T14 or significantly reduced job prospects for the median student." You have the GPA. Study longer and do your retakes. I have never met a single person who regretted studying for this test and getting into a better school than they would have had they not retaken. Not retaking here is a pretty unjustifiable choice.

FYI - I am 29.


Whoops, sorry.




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