Help with my PS. Very rough draft.

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eric922
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:05 pm

Help with my PS. Very rough draft.

Postby eric922 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:40 pm

Hey, everyone. This is a a very rough draft of my personal statement. I just wanted to post it i here and see if I could get some feedback. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I am going in a good direction so I thought I should post it here and get some feedback. Okay, that's way shorter than it looks in Microsoft Word.


"Why in the hell would you want to be a lawyer when you could be an honest journalist?" This was the question my father jokingly posed to me when I told him of my plans to go to law school. Ironically enough my father is one of the people who influenced me the most in my desire to go to law school.
When I was ten years old my father went to work as a PI for a group of defense attorneys in my hometown. One day , when I was around twelve or thirteen I remember asking him if he felt like he was doing something wrong by helping guilty people get out of jail. He told me that no, he didn't think he was doing anything wrong because we are supposed to have a society based on equality and rule of law. He told me that in order for the system to be fair you had to have someone willing to defend the guilty otherwise the state could arrest whomever they wanted and then you no longer have a society based on the rule of law. I remember this conversation well because it was the first time I ever seriously thought about the role law played in our society or considered the idea that my childish notions of right and wrong were too simplistic.
My father and I have many similar conversations over the years discussing everything from the segregation to the Patriot Act's negative influence on the Fourth Amendment. I always came away from these conversations with a stronger interest in the law than I did going into them.


cgw
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:06 pm

Re: Help with my PS. Very rough draft.

Postby cgw » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:56 pm

eric922 wrote:Hey, everyone. This is a a very rough draft of my personal statement. I just wanted to post it i here and see if I could get some feedback. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I am going in a good direction so I thought I should post it here and get some feedback. Okay, that's way shorter than it looks in Microsoft Word.


"Why in the hell would you want to be a lawyer when you could be an honest journalist?" This was the question my father jokingly posed to me when I told him of my plans to go to law school. Ironicallyenough, my father is one of the people who influenced me the most inmost influenced my desire to go to law school.
When I was ten years old, my father went to work as a PI for a group of defense attorneys in my hometown. One day , when was around twelve or thirteen I remember asking him if he felt like he was doing something wrong by helping guilty people get out ofevade jail. He told me that no, he didn'tdid not think he was doing anything wrong because we are supposed to havelive in a society based on equality and rule of law. He told me that in order for the system to be fair, you had to have someone must be willing to defend the guilty; otherwise, the state could arrest whomever they wanted and then you no longer have a society based on the rule of law would collapse. I remember this conversation well because it was the first time I ever seriously thought about the role law played in our society, or considered the idea that my childish notions of right and wrong were too simplistic.
My father and I have had many similar conversations over the years, discussing everything from the segregation to the Patriot Act's negative influence on the Fourth Amendment. I always came come away from these conversations with a stronger interest in the law than I didhad going into them.



This doesn't tell us very much about you. Can you demonstrate your interest in law in some way (with work/volunteer experience, extracurricular activities, or academic pursuits)? You seem to have developed this interest at a relatively young age, I imagine this would have impacted your academic or professional pursuits in some way. How has this interest, and penchant for seeing the metaphorical grey in controversial issues, effected your character and/or development? You need to show us something about yourself, and that last little paragraph is not doing you any favors in that regard.

Also, what is it you have against commas?

eric922
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:05 pm

Re: Help with my PS. Very rough draft.

Postby eric922 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:57 pm

cgw wrote:
eric922 wrote:Hey, everyone. This is a a very rough draft of my personal statement. I just wanted to post it i here and see if I could get some feedback. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I am going in a good direction so I thought I should post it here and get some feedback. Okay, that's way shorter than it looks in Microsoft Word.


"Why in the hell would you want to be a lawyer when you could be an honest journalist?" This was the question my father jokingly posed to me when I told him of my plans to go to law school. Ironicallyenough, my father is one of the people who influenced me the most inmost influenced my desire to go to law school.
When I was ten years old, my father went to work as a PI for a group of defense attorneys in my hometown. One day , when was around twelve or thirteen I remember asking him if he felt like he was doing something wrong by helping guilty people get out ofevade jail. He told me that no, he didn'tdid not think he was doing anything wrong because we are supposed to havelive in a society based on equality and rule of law. He told me that in order for the system to be fair, you had to have someone must be willing to defend the guilty; otherwise, the state could arrest whomever they wanted and then you no longer have a society based on the rule of law would collapse. I remember this conversation well because it was the first time I ever seriously thought about the role law played in our society, or considered the idea that my childish notions of right and wrong were too simplistic.
My father and I have had many similar conversations over the years, discussing everything from the segregation to the Patriot Act's negative influence on the Fourth Amendment. I always came come away from these conversations with a stronger interest in the law than I didhad going into them.



This doesn't tell us very much about you. Can you demonstrate your interest in law in some way (with work/volunteer experience, extracurricular activities, or academic pursuits)? You seem to have developed this interest at a relatively young age, I imagine this would have impacted your academic or professional pursuits in some way. How has this interest, and penchant for seeing the metaphorical grey in controversial issues, effected your character and/or development? You need to show us something about yourself, and that last little paragraph is not doing you any favors in that regard.

Also, what is it you have against commas?

Thanks for the feedback. I'm reworking my statement to focus more on my academic career. I've always done very well in classes such as philosophy, ethics, my few undergrad law classes, where the focus was on how you arrived at your answer as much as finding the correct answer. As to the question about commas, I have a bad habit of overusing them at times so I may have went too far in the other direction this time.

cgw
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:06 pm

Re: Help with my PS. Very rough draft.

Postby cgw » Mon Jan 21, 2013 3:10 am

eric922 wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I'm reworking my statement to focus more on my academic career. I've always done very well in classes such as philosophy, ethics, my few undergrad law classes, where the focus was on how you arrived at your answer as much as finding the correct answer. As to the question about commas, I have a bad habit of overusing them at times so I may have went too far in the other direction this time.


This idea seems more on track. Be careful not to just describe your classes though. Be sure to show how you apply any skills or characteristics you developed.




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