1st draft of diversity statement

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ajel190
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:44 pm

1st draft of diversity statement

Postby ajel190 » Tue Jan 15, 2013 3:33 pm

I'm exactly sure what a diversity statement should contain other than the obvious, but here's my first attempt at creating one. Any suggestions and explanations about what a diversity statement should mention, or tips on structure would be appreciated.

I am an African-American female who supports gay marriage, embraces Buddhism, and questions the existence of God. I attended an urban high school that was about ninety-seven percent black. I was called a “weirdo” because I was seventeen and preferred to listen to Giacomo Puccini rather than Gucci Mane, and knew what the Eightfold Path was before it was discussed in history class. There was no place for me to be myself without criticism. My die-hard Pentecostal mother screamed at me that Buddhists went to hell because they didn’t believe in God and to never talk about it again when I mentioned my interest in it, my former best friend decided she could no longer be friends with someone who doubted God, and since I didn’t care about the latest rap songs and Jordan shoes like the majority of the students at school, I went through high school as a loner. I knew I had to find somewhere that I would not be attacked or considered an anomaly.
I enrolled in ...University where approximately 31,000 students attend, and about 160 different countries are represented. Here, I was free to explore my interests, was exposed to different cultures and lifestyles and learned about them. I met people from all walks of life, from Satanists to Japanese Rock band members. Some of my best friends are from other continents, are gay, or are transsexual. In fact, I often feel extremely ordinary compared to all the different people I meet. I also joined a multicultural sorority, and I can now say I have sisters who are from different ethnicities, religions, and backgrounds —or not. My college experience truly has been the best time of my life. I have learned to accept my self and my convictions without guilt or reservations, and I have become less ignorant and more aware of the world around me as a result of the different people I have encountered. Interacting with so many colorful people on a daily basis definitely makes me love life more; they make life interesting.

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bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: 1st draft of diversity statement

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 15, 2013 3:40 pm

It needs to be about your uniqueness/diversity. Talking about others' does little for you. Scrap P2, expand P1.

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h_jane_w
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:31 pm

Re: 1st draft of diversity statement

Postby h_jane_w » Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:16 pm

I am an African-American female who supports gay marriage, embraces Buddhism, and questions the existence of God - - I am sorry but this sentence is just trying too hard, and comes off as trying to impress the adcoms (it will not) with your diversity.

Same with the last sentence:
Interacting with so many colorful people on a daily basis definitely makes me love life more; they make life interesting.

They are just trite, it's exactly what the adcoms are looking for, and as such does not come off an sincere. You've already said that interacting with different people makes your life better, before that sentence.

It's just a little scattered, try to give it a common theme, cohesion, and focus.




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