Nonprofit Essay

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273138
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Nonprofit Essay

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Jan 13, 2013 6:43 pm

.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
ph14
Posts: 3224
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:15 pm

Re: Nonprofit Essay

Postby ph14 » Sun Jan 13, 2013 7:05 pm

Some quick thoughts:

1. It's great and all that you would create a no-cost organization. But I would omit this detail unless you want to explain how, in this economy, it will be free to everyone. While i'm sure you mean well, this reads as naive or disconnected from reality, which is not something you want your ready to think in the second paragraph of your personal statement.
2. How does this meet an existing need? Doesn't an existing organization like Planned Parenthood already do all these things? Just saying that "While similar organizations exist," doesn't distinguish your organization at all. If these similar organizations can't solve the problem, then why can yours? Your plan is do the exact same thing that is apparently not working more, and somehow do it all for free.
3. How will you "teach" or "educate" this women? For your first point, I pictured just a giant question and answer session. But I don't think that is what you mean. Could you delve into some specifics? Will you teach using the case method? Are there any examples that you think women could learn from? Are you going to present statistics? Lectures? Bring in professors? Is it going to be like alcoholics anonymous group style meeting? How is this any different from sexual education in school? Are you going to disseminate information on your website? If not, why do you need to start a nonprofit to do in-person education (i.e., why is in-person more effective/better)? How is a poor women with children (or even without) going to have time to go to your organization for education?
4. There is nothing in here that is the least bit original or unique. It also reads like a bunch of general platitudes and doesn't include any concrete specifics. For example, "the programs would work to empower women by teaching them to respect themselves and their bodies." How will the program do this? You just skip right to why this is important.
5. Not sure how to phrase this, but I am fairly certain that "an organization whose mission was two-fold" is incorrect.

You need to show that you've thought a lot about these hard issues. Your statement now reads very simplistically, something like "empowering women is good." It reminds me of a beauty pageant contestant's answer to a question. But specifically how will you empower women, and specifically how will your education/actions affect decision making or anything? This is, obviously, the hard part in writing a personal statement. Think hard about these issues and then be prepared to write specifically.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.