Need help with personal statement!

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Anonymous User
Posts: 273104
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Need help with personal statement!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Jan 13, 2013 9:31 am

I'm hoping to submit my applications today or Monday. Struggling with the personal statement still :(

Please help any way you like! I need help with grammar, transitions, content, etc.

Thank you!

By the time my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, it had metastasized to her spine, her limbs, and eventually, her brain. She was initially expected to live for five years, but the disease had other plans. Tumors in her brain led to a stroke, which left half of her body paralyzed and devastated her ability to speak. The stroke had left her body so severely impaired that she was released from the hospital to home hospice care. She could not afford a full-time nurse, so my sister and I were by her side constantly.
The memories I have of this time are some of my most painful and significant. I was amazed by the changes I saw in my family; the strength of their character and their willingness to give so much of themselves for my mother’s care. Yet, what surprised me the most was my own transformation. I stayed up with her through the night, fed her, read to her, bathed her, and did whatever I could to improve her quality of life. My connection with my mother allowed me to give her a voice when she was unable to speak. I found a sense of peace and purpose while I was helping her despite the grief I was feeling.
The experience I had with my mother’s illness not only shaped, but recreated my perspective on the world. In a span of two weeks, my understanding of humanity and human relationships was irreversibly molded. I realized the importance and meaning that lies in giving ourselves for others. Since her passing, I have spent considerably more time volunteering for organizations that aid others in difficult situations.
I spent Spring Break volunteering with a small group of students at Boise Rescue Mission and City Light, a shelter for women and children, as part of a service project for my university. The mission staff was in serious need of manpower to accomplish different tasks around the shelter: organizing donated clothing, moving boxes of food, painting facilities, and serving food to families. I was moved by the stories I heard from shelter staff and the women and children they served. They were homeless, many were victims of domestic violence, and most felt like they had no one in their corner. The shelter staff was diligent, even when stretched beyond their means, and able to help many families get through their dismal circumstances. The mission’s goals were not only to provide food and shelter to people in need, but also to aid in education and employment.
The time I donated at the shelter, and at other volunteer experiences since, evoked the feeling of tranquility and resolve that I felt while caring for my mother. I felt a connection to the people that shared their lives with me. I wanted to do more for them than I was able to do; I wanted to give them a better life.
Public interest attorneys can help people in need, like those I’ve met volunteering, by listening to their plight, backing and representing their cause, and eventually giving them the knowledge to defend themselves. They have the ability to make material change in peoples’ lives.
I have always been drawn to the logic and eloquence of the legal profession. I realize now that most of the things I had envisioned were illusions fed by glamorous television shows and an overall superficial view of what it means to be a lawyer. The reality is long hours, demanding work, difficult or ignorant clients, and disappointing conclusions. The real world is just that, real. However, I am finding that reality even more attractive than the façade. I know now that life’s truly great rewards are those that come with overwhelming dedication and unstinting self-sacrifice. They take time and effort and they come at a price.
I believe with a strong legal education, I could become an inspired advocate for others whose voices need to be heard. Northeastern University has one of the best and most dynamic public interest law programs in the country. I have found myself fascinated by the stories I saw in Northeastern brochures. Young people motivated not by money or power, but by the opportunity to change the world by changing lives. The school’s cooperative learning opportunities and dedication to social change has me captivated. I’m confident that this is where I belong.

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TripTrip
Posts: 2737
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:52 am

Re: Need help with personal statement!

Postby TripTrip » Sun Jan 13, 2013 11:58 am

A good start would be to use black instead of blue.

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Gradvocates Editing
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:22 pm

Re: Need help with personal statement!

Postby Gradvocates Editing » Sun Jan 13, 2013 7:54 pm

This needs a lot of work. It tells little about you, which is bad because this is a personal statement.

We are also not a fan of the following paragraph:

I have always been drawn to the logic and eloquence of the legal profession. I realize now that most of the things I had envisioned were illusions fed by glamorous television shows and an overall superficial view of what it means to be a lawyer. The reality is long hours, demanding work, difficult or ignorant clients, and disappointing conclusions. The real world is just that, real. However, I am finding that reality even more attractive than the façade. I know now that life’s truly great rewards are those that come with overwhelming dedication and unstinting self-sacrifice. They take time and effort and they come at a price.


It interrupts the flow of your personal statement. It is also a bit odd because you state your great attraction to public-interest law, then you state that you will be dealing with difficult or ignorant clients.




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