Please Critique--Submitting Today

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273479
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Please Critique--Submitting Today

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:59 am

This is my optional 300 word statement for George Washington University. Open to feedback. Prompt is: "Applicants may, but are not required to, submit an optional statement of 300 words or less discussing characteristics and accomplishments they believe will contribute positively to the GW Law School community and to the legal profession."

Though I grew up in a largely suburban area, I never considered myself confined by this upbringing. When I was young, my parents and I moved in with my grandpa. My grandpa, a physician and former doctor in the Peace Corps, had traveled extensively throughout the course of his life. I vividly remember him telling me stories about his years spent in Kenya, Malawi, and Egypt. In addition, my step grandma was a lobbyist and family planning advocate who worked to legalize Plan B. Growing up in this household, I do not recall a single dinner conversation that did not revolve around politics or the latest international issue. My grandpa and step grandma both passed away at a young age. However, they had an undeniably lasting impact on me. Both of them had dedicated the majority of their lives to aiding those who could not afford medical help, and enhancing women’s reproductive rights.

This upbringing taught me the importance of public service, and also expanded my worldview. While many of my friends spent their time watching the latest popular show, I watched documentaries and kept myself informed about world events and political issues. In addition, I have always been politically active; I spent time campaigning in the 2008 election and the most recent election. Just as my grandpa and step grandma did, I have always been willing to fight and advocate for my beliefs. Both my volunteering experiences and several of my classes, such as Wealth and Poverty, have incentivized me to continue dedicating my life to improving others’ lives. As such, it seems only natural to me to practice Public Interest law. The prestigious Public Service Program, particularly several of the Legal Clinics, along with my desire to practice law in the District of Columbia, make George Washington University my ideal choice.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273479
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Please Critique--Submitting Today

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:21 pm

Bump. I'd really appreciate any feedback!!! I need to submit this soon.

fallingup
Posts: 481
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:34 pm

Re: Please Critique--Submitting Today

Postby fallingup » Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:33 pm

your grandparents aren't applying to law school, don't spend the majority of this statement talking about their accomplishments. it makes you look bad in comparison so id suggest cutting the first paragraph entirely. after all there are other applicants who have themselves done the kinds of things your grandparents did - peace corps, international service, etc. if you don't have any concrete experiences to highlight in your statement to demonstrate why you are special, you have no reason to write it. the 2nd paragraph is a good starting point, so elaborate on the experiences you list there.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273479
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Please Critique--Submitting Today

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:46 pm

fallingup wrote:your grandparents aren't applying to law school, don't spend the majority of this statement talking about their accomplishments. it makes you look bad in comparison so id suggest cutting the first paragraph entirely. after all there are other applicants who have themselves done the kinds of things your grandparents did - peace corps, international service, etc. if you don't have any concrete experiences to highlight in your statement to demonstrate why you are special, you have no reason to write it. the 2nd paragraph is a good starting point, so elaborate on the experiences you list there.


ok thanks. well what if i just cut the first paragraph slightly to 1-2 sentences, and then elaborated on the second one? i just wanted to say something about how this upbringing did affect me but then i can talk more about my own experiences. i did a lot of volunteering and fundraising for UNICEF so i could talk more about that instead.




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