My DS topic compelling?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Sendou
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm

My DS topic compelling?

Postby Sendou » Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:39 am

Hi, is there anyone willing to take a look at my DS?

Help greatly appreciated!

Please message me if you want to take a swing at it!

Sendou
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby Sendou » Tue Jan 08, 2013 11:23 am

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Last edited by Sendou on Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sendou
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby Sendou » Tue Jan 08, 2013 1:15 pm

anyone? please? Im trying to send out an application today. Thanks

zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby zoomzoom88 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 1:18 pm

Honestly a lot of people come from single parent homes I didn't realize it was diversity statement worthy

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bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:10 pm

zoomzoom88 wrote:Honestly a lot of people come from single parent homes I didn't realize it was diversity statement worthy


Gonna have to agree.

cynthiad
Posts: 163
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:16 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby cynthiad » Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:26 pm

Don't use the passive voice so much, it sounds like you're not taking responsibility for your own actions.

"Acting out at school, lashing out, lack of ambition and determination was common, and being the most popular was the priority."

You should say "I acted out at school," etc. If you're talking about your friends' behavior, don't, you don't want to bash people.

"Trial and error has always been the way I lived my life" should be "I have always lived my life by trial and error" and so on

It's also not clear why being affected by peer pressure is so unique--plenty of kids don't have fathers, and kids with both parents also get led astray by friends. Are there other factors that make you more diverse? Were you the first in your family to go to college? Was your family poor?

fallingup
Posts: 481
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:34 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby fallingup » Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:30 pm

this definitely doesn't need to be as long and drawn out as it. growing up in a single parent household isn't that notable as others have said. keep it to one or two significant vignettes and a couple lines explaining the significance of them to who you are. leave out all the generic stuff about having a hard time adjusting to college because that paragraph could have been written by anybody.

Sendou
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm

Re: My DS topic compelling?

Postby Sendou » Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:37 pm

thank everyone!




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