PS Rough Draft Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

PS Rough Draft Critique

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:01 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

goCATSgo
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:12 pm

Re: PS Rough Draft Critique

Postby goCATSgo » Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:49 pm

Here is my take, please take it for what it is. Your PS is incredibly well written; I actually felt like I was there with you through the struggle. That is so hard to achieve. You pull the reader in without making the reader feel sorry for you or feel sympathy. It is a lot of empathy. I think that is also great. In addition, I do not have any editing suggestions except for changing "tell him goodbye" to "say goodbye." Makes it less awkward in my opinion.

That all being said, I can't help but think whether you could have spent a little less time on the events and more on how it has impacted you and your desire to study law? It just seems like it is tacked at the end of the essay as an after-thought. Up until that point, it reads like a diversity/adversity statement. That would be my only suggestion... But, you know best how it feels and how it should feel to you and to someone reading it. I would suggest beefing up the paragraph and elaborating on WHY you want to study law and why YOU of all people would be a great candidate.

Let me know what you think. GOOD LUCK. Great job.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273578
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: PS Rough Draft Critique

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:08 pm

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