Yale 250 critique?

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swoosh
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 5:22 pm

Yale 250 critique?

Postby swoosh » Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:04 am

editing
Last edited by swoosh on Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PickMe!
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:24 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique?

Postby PickMe! » Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:40 am

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Last edited by PickMe! on Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PickMe!
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:24 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique?

Postby PickMe! » Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:32 am

...
Last edited by PickMe! on Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:44 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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kwais
Posts: 1683
Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 12:28 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique?

Postby kwais » Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:37 am

I think that you have an odd mix of ironic seriousness (the opening few lines) and then real seriousness (your explication of the joys of fantasy football). I think you should work on staying in the ironic arena. Once you start trying to make the reader believe that you are serious, the piece loses its humor. See if you can get through the whole thing without winking at the camera.




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