SUBMITTING TONIGHT: please critique my PS!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
goCATSgo
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:12 pm

SUBMITTING TONIGHT: please critique my PS!

Postby goCATSgo » Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:08 pm

<removed>

Thank you all!
Last edited by goCATSgo on Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:45 am, edited 2 times in total.

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: Please CRITIQUE MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

Postby icecold3000 » Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:05 pm

This is a wonderful personal statement. Good luck!

NontradFL
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:49 pm

Re: Please CRITIQUE MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

Postby NontradFL » Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:53 pm

That is fantastic and it pulls emotion out of the reader. Well done. The only change I'd have the nerve to suggest is that it's kind of long. Do you think there's any way you could keep the emotion and message but summarize some of the detail? If not, no problem. It's great as is.

TrustInMusic
Posts: 222
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:39 pm

Re: Please CRITIQUE MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

Postby TrustInMusic » Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:13 pm

This is really good in terms of flow and vocabulary. I really identified with your struggles - well done! I especially liked the part about following the Milosevic trial; it really linked the first and last part of your PS.

goCATSgo
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:12 pm

Re: Please CRITIQUE MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

Postby goCATSgo » Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:25 pm

NontradFL wrote:That is fantastic and it pulls emotion out of the reader. Well done. The only change I'd have the nerve to suggest is that it's kind of long. Do you think there's any way you could keep the emotion and message but summarize some of the detail? If not, no problem. It's great as is.



Thank you for your feedback and for pushing me on the length. I do think it's a tad long. I do have a version for Harvard and Penn. However, I've been looking at it for 8 weeks and I have developed kind of an emotional attachment to the words. I like this version but now that someone else had pointed it out, I will push myself on shortening it. This is good feedback. Your help is appreciated.

goCATSgo
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:12 pm

Re: Please CRITIQUE MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

Postby goCATSgo » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:06 pm

TrustInMusic wrote:This is really good in terms of flow and vocabulary. I really identified with your struggles - well done! I especially liked the part about following the Milosevic trial; it really linked the first and last part of your PS.


Thank you for your feedback!




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