Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
TripTrip
Posts: 2738
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:52 am

Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby TripTrip » Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:05 am

.
Last edited by TripTrip on Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.

User avatar
LexLeon
Posts: 400
Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:03 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby LexLeon » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:00 pm

Hah, I like that.

But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.

User avatar
bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:01 pm

What's the prompt for Yale?

User avatar
TripTrip
Posts: 2738
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:52 am

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby TripTrip » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:04 pm

bluepenguin wrote:What's the prompt for Yale?

Write an essay about anything and keep it under 250 words.

Asha wrote:an essay on any subject of your choice, which the Admissions Committee uses "to evaluate an applicant's writing, reasoning, and editing skills."


LexLeon wrote:But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.

Fair. But if I were to use it, do you see any grammatical errors?

User avatar
dingbat
Posts: 4976
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 9:12 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby dingbat » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:23 pm

Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly

User avatar
TripTrip
Posts: 2738
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:52 am

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby TripTrip » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:29 pm

dingbat wrote:Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly

Good catch.

User avatar
bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:32 pm

Man, so many issues above my ELA skill level.

Commas are not my thing. I wonder if you have it right after 'parlor' and 'skyway' in P1, but it looks right to me.

I think you'd be better without the semicolon at the beginning of P2. I don't think it's technically wrong, just that it doesn't look right.

TripTrip wrote:Two of my coworkers were chasing a juvenile in a white sweatshirt clutching a red jacket in my direction.

Is that right? I skipped the class on ambiguity but couldn't that mean he's clutching the jacket in your direction?

TripTrip wrote: Since he was smaller than me

Shouldn't that be "Since he was smaller than I (am)"?

Congratulations, you've made me feel stupid lol.

User avatar
TripTrip
Posts: 2738
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:52 am

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby TripTrip » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:48 pm

I'm glad I posted this here for grammatical errors; thanks bluepenguin!

You're right about the verb ambiguity, I reworded that. Also right about the me/I mixup; nice spot. I would never have noticed, but "since me was smaller than he" wouldn't make a lick of sense.

As for the semicolon, I left that in. Changing it to a period makes the "The call came over" feel out of place.

User avatar
bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:54 pm

Oh yeah, I didn't notice that. I've never used that construction in my life so idk how that works.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.