Meh.

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Anonymous User
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Meh.

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Dec 31, 2012 11:44 pm

Thanks for the critiques. Think I'll rewrite.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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stuckinthemiddle
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Re: Please Critique my DS

Postby stuckinthemiddle » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:40 am

I think the DS is alright. However, it doesn't strike me as anything special, and I fear it may fall into the sea of generic statements.

I'm not excited about it for three reasons:

1) It's not really "diverse." Everyone has been bullied in some capacity. If you had, instead, talked about your Chinese heritage and sexual identity, and how those have made you a more competent student and a stronger person in the face of adversity, you might actually have something. As it stands, I wouldn't consider you a very "diverse" addition to a law school class based only on what you wrote. I think you need to completely shift the focus of your DS away from bullying and towards your upbringing and identity.

2) There's not enough detail on how you got the bullying to stop. As much as I admire you for your courage, I think going more in depth about how you handled the difficult confrontations would make you sound much more mature, and a lot more likable in your resilience.

3) I hear nothing about the most recent years of your life. I'm much less interested in your early years. I want to know how the bullying changed you when you were in university, and how it pushed you to get involved in certain academic or extra-curricular areas, or volunteer at a mentorship program, or just change your life philosophy completely.

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bluepenguin
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Re: Please Critique my DS

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:43 am

I don't know how to put this diplomatically: there's just nothing good about this. It's a diversity statement. Asians are overrepresented in law school as, I imagine, are victims of bullying. LGBTQ idk, but I bet they have plenty to choose from. IMHO, this isn't compelling either as writing or as a case for your added diversity to a law school class.

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stuckinthemiddle
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Re: Please Critique my DS

Postby stuckinthemiddle » Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:33 am

bluepenguin wrote:I don't know how to put this diplomatically: there's just nothing good about this. It's a diversity statement. Asians are overrepresented in law school as, I imagine, are victims of bullying. LGBTQ idk, but I bet they have plenty to choose from. IMHO, this isn't compelling either as writing or as a case for your added diversity to a law school class.


While Asians are ORMs, it does not change the fact that they are minorities, have had significant personal experiences that majority groups will never have, and are certainly necessary for a balanced, inclusive law school environment. The same goes for LGBT (although I do not believe they are ORM). We also need to stop ourselves from lumping all LGBT and Asians into a single group and calling them "non-diverse." Within both communities, there is such a wide range of identities and origins. The difference between a South Asian and a Southeast Asian, for example, is practically as large as the difference between a Caucasian and an African American.

ORM =/= not diverse. An Asian racial heritage is just as appropriate for a diversity statement as one on any other heritage. Same goes for LGBT.

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bluepenguin
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Re: Please Critique my DS

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 3:30 am

stuckinthemiddle wrote:While Asians are ORMs, it does not change the fact that they are minorities, have had significant personal experiences that majority groups will never have, and are certainly necessary for a balanced, inclusive law school environment. The same goes for LGBT (although I do not believe they are ORM). We also need to stop ourselves from lumping all LGBT and Asians into a single group and calling them "non-diverse." Within both communities, there is such a wide range of identities and origins. The difference between a South Asian and a Southeast Asian, for example, is practically as large as the difference between a Caucasian and an African American.

ORM =/= not diverse. An Asian racial heritage is just as appropriate for a diversity statement as one on any other heritage. Same goes for LGBT.


That's not the point I'm making.

All that stuff you just said is true, but you need to think about it from an admissions perspective. If they assemble the class blindly, with no attention to race or LGBT status, that diversity you just mentioned will be there automatically just by the nature of the process. The ORM groups and the diverse experiences they bring will be in the class by virtue of their being over-represented.

So if you're looking to assemble a diverse class, an applicant being gay or asian or whatever means sod all. What does this applicant add to the class? He's not adding representation of asians; the law school has plenty of those. Not adding LGBT; the law school has plenty of those. Well, he was bullied growing up; so were half the students at any given law school.

I'm not trying to minimize those things. But they need to be presented in a way that emphasizes diversity. Give me an example of how you fought back against bullying. Show me that while 90% of the asian applicants suffered racial abuse as children, you formed a support group or lobbied the school for bullying reforms in response. Tell me how you shared your coming out experience with others to help them understand that process.

You don't need to do anything that special. But at least show yourself as an individual. The original version sounded utterly generic.

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stuckinthemiddle
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Re: Meh.

Postby stuckinthemiddle » Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:32 am

Having plenty of asians does not mean that an asian perspective no longer contributes to the diversity of the class. You are making the tenuous conclusion that all asian perspectives and backgrounds are interchangeable. That is the problem I had with your statement.

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bluepenguin
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Re: Meh.

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:00 pm

stuckinthemiddle wrote:Having plenty of asians does not mean that an asian perspective no longer contributes to the diversity of the class. You are making the tenuous conclusion that all asian perspectives and backgrounds are interchangeable. That is the problem I had with your statement.


No. I'm saying that an asian perspective is, in fact, interchangeable until the applicant distinguishes his or her perspective in some meaningful way from all the others. And that was my problem with the DS. Asian + gay + bullies ≠ diverse in any useful or important way.




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