personal statement (washington dc+mongolia+colombia)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
hamsamitchguy03
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2011 12:30 pm

personal statement (washington dc+mongolia+colombia)

Postby hamsamitchguy03 » Wed Dec 12, 2012 1:46 am

Thank you for your help.
Last edited by hamsamitchguy03 on Wed Dec 19, 2012 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: personal statement (washington dc+mongolia+colombia)

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:21 pm

You need to refine your theme & keep it in mind when crafting each paragraph & sentence.

Your theme should be able to integrate all of your experiences toward a single goal.

Use your theme as a roadmap to your conclusion.

P.S. Your theme revolves around "ethics", but your message is muddled. Decide what message you want to convey, then write from that viewpoint.

voytek
Posts: 115
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:06 pm

Re: personal statement (washington dc+mongolia+colombia)

Postby voytek » Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:16 pm

Agreed with the above. Your game plan seems to be to outline these experiences you've had with corruption and how they have affected your life, and then to relate that experience to law school. I would clean up the last paragraph to make it more clear exactly what those experiences meant to you and tie it in to your desire to study law.

Also, pretty badass that you did the Mongol Rally. I would name the event in your PS, as it would lend some legitimacy to what you were doing and make you sound less crazy to an adcomm. I'd love to do it myself someday.




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