HELP! Critique My PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
jkbrad11
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:15 pm

HELP! Critique My PS

Postby jkbrad11 » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:55 pm

EDIT: Thanks!
Last edited by jkbrad11 on Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

ks2499
Posts: 323
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:40 am

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby ks2499 » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:04 pm

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Last edited by ks2499 on Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

brittanynicole_4
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:53 am

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby brittanynicole_4 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:18 am

I was standing in the garage of one of my best friends; I was about to receive a phone call that would forever alter the course of my personal reality.I agree with the above poster concerning the first and last paragraphs. You may be able to include the phone call possibly in another manner--maybe add a bit about it in your current second paragraph.

Almost three years prior, I was faced with a personal dilemma. A friend’s father owned a newspaper in East Tennessee that was struggling to survive amidst the “digital boom” that hit newspapers hard in the 21st century. Suddenly, print media had to battle for significance in the face of digital media that was beginning to revolutionize an industry. To make matters worse, the owner’s health was quickly deteriorating and his only partner had just passed away. The newspaper was headed for an inevitable downfall. I was approached to help.

Suddenly, a young college student not even old enough to drink was faced with more responsibility than he could have ever imagined: not only was I responsible for modernizing a newspaper that was using technology and software over a decade out of dateold; out of date is a bit awkward to mebut ultimately the livelihood of a close friend and his family. I chose to accept.
I was neverwouldn't repeat never so closely in the same sentence a lazy individual but never had I known the value of hard work until this point in my life. The newspaper operated two offices, a remote office close to the university I was attending and a main office about an hour away. I spent much of the following years on the road traveling between the offices and shuffling what was, most weeks, an overover a; awkward 40-hour work week on top of a full class load at the university. Several times I was required to travel across the country, from Phoenix to Asheville "across the country, from Phoneix to Asheville" is a little repetitive I would choose just one attending conferences to see how newspapers like ours were adapting to threats such as Craigslist. I also had the opportunity to visit many regional powerhouse classified papers in the southeast to observe their workflow processes, to see how they were effectively using technology to reduce labor costs and increase efficiency. The end of this whole stent offered me equity in thea corporation that would grow substantially with each year of service. I was to be the new partner in a newspaper that looked like it was changing for the better.
This process becamewas so insightful that I became addicted to how businesses worked. At this point, I knew I wanted to go to law school for several years, well before I started college. However, I changed my approach. Instead of pursuing a liberal arts degree, I switched my major to business with a concentration in accounting. Accounting would give me the necessary education to help this newspaper grow again.

I was in love with my life. I stayed busy, I worked hard, and I saw the fruits of my labor. I was making good money, I drove a nice carecar, and I suddenly had a career path chosen for me. I didn’t have a care in the world. There was just one problem.
This isn’t the life I wanted going into this. Since I was fifteen years of age, I had dreamed of going to law school. My grades were slipping because I worked too much and spent a lot of my day traveling. I couldn’t focus on academics at all. Sure, at the end of the day, I saved this newspaper by bringing down operating costs and bringing it into compliance with industry standards; however, how long will it last? It doesn’t change the fact that the newspaper industry is being shaken from the bottom up. Will the industry even see another decade or will it go the way of the railroad and refuse to re-define itself?
This paragraph is a little weak to me. I think you should turn this more into a conclusion and touch on how the entire process affected you. Did it make you prepared for law school in any way? Why does this experience give the edge over other candidates? In the beginning about your life not going where you wanted it to, I get what you are trying to say, but I might would rework this.


I’m standing in the garage of one of my best friends; I’m about to receive a phone call that will change my life. After over two great years, on a cold December night, I decided to pursue my dream.


These are all just suggestions---take them or leave them. I like the foundation for your story a lot---the topic is good. It was interesting as I read and kept my attention. I think you may just need to focus on the message you are trying to send. Why are you telling adcomms this? Why does it make you stand out? What did you gain from the experience? The last 2 paragraphs are the weakest to me.

You should consider just taking this part out:
At this point, I knew I wanted to go to law school for several years, well before I started college. However, I changed my approach. Instead of pursuing a liberal arts degree, I switched my major to business with a concentration in accounting. Accounting would give me the necessary education to help this newspaper grow again.


In my opinion, the idea that you must address, in such an explicit manner, why you want to go to law school is overrated. I think you need to focus more on what qualities you have that make you ideal for law school....what sets you out. This is just my opinion.
Good Luck! Hope this helps!

brittanynicole_4
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:53 am

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby brittanynicole_4 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:21 am

I am still polishing my ps...please give me your feedback! Look for it under my username: brittanynicole_4 :wink:

ks2499
Posts: 323
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:40 am

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby ks2499 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 3:06 pm

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Last edited by ks2499 on Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jkbrad11
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:15 pm

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby jkbrad11 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:22 pm

Thanks guys, I've been trying to polish it off a little bit. That first draft was literally thoughts pouring straight out of my head lol I didn't even re-read it yet, I just posted the raw form to see if I was headed in the right direction.

totalmajor
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:34 pm

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby totalmajor » Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:38 pm

I think you need to spend more time talking about why you qualify for law school.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: HELP! Critique My PS

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:54 pm

What is the point of using this story as your law school PS ?

Also, "go the way of the railroad" does not mean what you intend it to mean.

Additionally, equity in a struggling newspaper may be a liability. A major national magazine was sold for just one ($1) dollar a few years ago. ( If I recall correctly, it was Newsweek). Why is this important ? Because some readers may think that you don't really know your industry based on the content of your PS.

The real value of this essay may be as an addendum to explain a less than stellar GPA.




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