Yale 250

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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facile princeps
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Yale 250

Postby facile princeps » Sat Dec 08, 2012 6:44 pm

Last edited by facile princeps on Sun Dec 09, 2012 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

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bluepenguin
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Re: Yale 250

Postby bluepenguin » Sat Dec 08, 2012 6:52 pm

Well, the story fits the prompt. Could work fine, but there's a lot of missing information (e.g. how you know this guy). If you can squeeze everything into 250 words you should be fine. Writing needs a lot of refining, but it's just a draft.

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facile princeps
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Re: Yale 250

Postby facile princeps » Sat Dec 08, 2012 6:55 pm

bluepenguin wrote:Well, the story fits the prompt. Could work fine, but there's a lot of missing information (e.g. how you know this guy). If you can squeeze everything into 250 words you should be fine. Writing needs a lot of refining, but it's just a draft.

Thanks. It's 251 words as is. I don't think i can squeeze much else in. I can try, though.

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bluepenguin
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Re: Yale 250

Postby bluepenguin » Sat Dec 08, 2012 6:57 pm

Oh wait, you were a friend of his for a few years. Reading comp fail. Sorry.

You could cut:
P1: "intermittent"
P2S1
First clause of P3S2
P4: "indeed"

Might give you some room to flesh out the 'helping' part of the story more thoroughly.




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