ps

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
tuc00318
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:21 am

ps

Postby tuc00318 » Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:53 am

please critique statement
Last edited by tuc00318 on Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: PLEASE CRITIQUE ROUGH DRAFT OF PERSONAL STATEMENT!

Postby bluepenguin » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:09 am

Even though this exposure ultimately sparked my interested in the field of criminal justice and the legal system


This sentence needs to be deleted.

Just off the top of my head I'd say it's overlong. There's a lot of resume-reciting that can be deleted or curtailed to fix a lot of that. Almost all that information can go on your resume, and there's no point explaining why you want to be a lawyer, or even a PI lawyer, with that background. At least I personally wouldnt think so. I also don't see an obvious relationship between the first 5 paragraphs and the rest (save the last).

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rinkrat19
Posts: 13910
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: PLEASE CRITIQUE ROUGH DRAFT OF PERSONAL STATEMENT!

Postby rinkrat19 » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:11 am

Without reading, I can tell you that it's more than 4 pages long. It needs to be cut down by almost half for basically every school except Boalt.




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