Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

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JP5701
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:37 pm

Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Postby JP5701 » Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:40 pm

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Last edited by JP5701 on Thu Dec 06, 2012 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bluepenguin
Posts: 285
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm

Re: Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Postby bluepenguin » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:06 pm

Where are you applying?

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patienunderstanding
Posts: 250
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:45 pm

Re: Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Postby patienunderstanding » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:15 pm

IMO delete all the school stuff that You have towards the end, add some description how you felt when the violence and fighting was taking place and you have a well-written diversity statement. That's just my opinion.




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