Personal Statement Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Personal Statement Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:54 am

Hi Guys, I've posted a few times. If you'd take a look at what I have. I'm not trying to have a statement that stands out, just a safe statement. Let me know what you think. I have the numbers where my personal statement just needs to not hurt my admission chances. I'll read any of your statements if you send them to me. THANK YOU!

Once a person steps foot into the daily life of my family, it’s easy to see that we are far from perfect. Neither of my parents went to college and always had to work long, hard work hours to provide for our family and allow us do things that they only dreamed of doing in their childhoods. I have a brother who has spent 20 years in and out of jail and drug rehabilitation programs. My parents fell victim to the economy crash and lost most of their savings because the small business they owned on the side went under. I knew that if I didn’t work hard and pay my way through college there was no way my parents would be able to financially support me as I continued my education after high school.

For as long as I can remember my brother was never around as I was growing up. I have seen the inside of multiple attorneys’ offices, county jails, federal prisons, and courtrooms all over the country. When I was younger I didn’t understand why the police always had to take my brother away and the court made him seem like some sort of monster, but as I grew older I began to understand. I grew to appreciate the judges, police officers, and attorneys who had to spend their time convicting my brother of these charges. This is where my interest in pursuing law school first developed. Spending a lot of time with the lawyers our family hired, I became very interested in the legal system of our county and how it worked. Every opportunity I had to interact with an attorney turned into a chance for me 100 questions about his car in the legal field. He couldn’t do anything but laugh at the very serious and inquisitive pre-teen who seemed to be cross examining him in his own office.

I was a sophomore in high school when my parents’ small limousine business went broke; they lost all of their savings, and were forced into bankruptcy. Once this happened, I knew I had no other choice but to get a job and take the classes I needed to succeed after high school without the financial backing of my parents. I picked up a part time job at a local restaurant to make the money I needed and began saving for college. My junior and senior year of high school I decided to challenge myself by taking classes at Miami University instead of my high school. This allowed me to grow and mature a lot faster than my fellow classmates. Somehow I managed to balance playing three sports, working 20-30 hours a week, and taking college courses.

After high school, law school was always in the back of my mind, but I also knew that I needed a degree that could stand alone if something happened and law school didn’t work out. I chose to attend the University of Toledo for chemical engineering degree because it was a financially responsible decision for my future. Most people don’t understand how a chemical engineering degree goes together with a law degree, but for my personal interests these fields align perfectly. I plan to attend law school to specialize in patent law because this is a field I find myself to be extremely passionate about. I believe that law school will be a perfect fit for someone with my work ethic, determination, and passion to reach my goals of becoming a lawyer. I know that it won’t be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.

Despite the large range of emotions I experienced growing up from seeing my brother always being in trouble with the justice system, I have to view these negative experiences as something positive because they sparked my interest in the legal field. If I wouldn’t have spent all that time in courtrooms and lawyers offices’ I may have never thought about becoming a lawyer. My parents’ financial situation, although it wasn’t ideal, instilled a work ethic in me which is hard to be matched by others. I learned that if I was going to succeed and earn my college degree it was going to be on my own without the financial support of others. Knowing this I chose a perfect undergraduate major that would allow me to support myself. I grew to love engineering and the technical skills that it instilled in me and it inspired my dream career path of intellectual property law. All of these life experiences have led me to where I am today, which is exactly where I want to be. I am extremely ready to move on and begin the next step of my life in law school.

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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:44 pm

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby NavyOfficer23 » Sun Dec 02, 2012 12:17 pm

I wouldn't try to "play it safe" with what most schools consider the 3rd most important piece of the application. I think you have some great talking points, but that there is a lot of room for polish. Specifically, I think your tone comes across as a bit arrogant. Maybe some others would disagree, but that's my view. And if one person can think that, that means an admissions officer could read it that way. I would keep the theme of "hard work".

If you send me a PM, I'd be happy to provide you with more specific comments and feedback.

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