Is this ready to go?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273506
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Is this ready to go?

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 23, 2012 4:55 pm

I'll never forget my sophomore year of high school, waiting patiently outside of the county jail as my dad scrambled around town collecting money for my mom's bail. Prior to this my mom had recently lost her job, a little later we lost our house, and now I'm going to get her out of jail for DWI and drug possession. I felt as if my world was falling apart at this point. The entire time I waited I just sat in my truck staring out into the distance thinking about how a life that seemed so normal could collapse so quickly.
Sadly this moment would not be the only one. The rest of my high school career and some of college held many trips to the jail to either visit or pick up my mom. My mom, the rock in my life, was arrested for DWI and possession of methamphetamines. When you tie that in with my father, who could commonly be found passed out at the kitchen table rather than asleep in bed lost most people, I thought life had hit rock bottom for me. When I would think about my young adult life I would see someone with a state of mind full of anger and self doubt. I would see someone whose whole life was plagued with misfortune from struggling to read and keep up with his peers because of his learning disability to struggling to keep a grip on life due to his family.
However, when I currently look back on my life I don't really see misfortune. I'm grateful for how my young adult life unfolded. Though this phase of my life was a struggle it made me realize I am a determined and independent individual with a drive to succeed. I used these characteristics to my advantage in college, currently use them in my career, and plan to use them as an attorney.
Coming from an uneducated family I felt as if I was never being pushed to do more than was asked of me. So when my mother exited my life it I started to feel as if this was it, this is my future. When I got older and my dad found sobriety he kept me strong and at times happy. He always reminded me, "This may be bad son, but always remember it could be much worse." He also helped me realize that even though either him or my mother was not always there they had always encouraged me to work hard and try to be better than they were. At that time it helped me put my life into perspective and I decided on my own to be the first person to graduate from college.
Though life was tough I simply believe I learned valuable lessons earlier in life than others. Yes, I struggled with my learning disability, but I became thankful I could still participate in a regular public school. Yes we lost our home, but at least we could afford the apartment. Yes my mom wasn't really in my life to be fully supportive of me at an age I needed all the support I could get, but at least she was there partially and my father finally decide to step up.
The point is I can currently look back on life and instead of being angry I realize all those events and situations gave me freedom to make choices on my own. They reinforced a drive and work ethic that was instilled in me at a young age. In actuality, I feel as if I turned all the negative events in my life as a drive to do good and be a better person than both my parents could ever be. Although I feel I have completed that I still have that drive to keep succeeding.
I believe a law degree from your institution will take me to that next level of success. Originally, I wanted to obtain my law degree because I thought it would put me on the fast track to becoming rich. I know this is not the case though, especially when you consider the number of people currently graduating and enrolled in law school. A law degree is now a goal of mine because in my current job I see how a law degree can benefit almost anyone. It supplies you with a knowledge and skill that fits into various facets of life. It's this skill I desire to obtain so I may supply myself with more events and situations to build from. My story shows my ability to handle tough situations, because I was put in a position where I had to work through a problem on my own and ultimately make the choices for myself. I do not see the hard times one may go through as an excuse to give up or put off responsibilities. I see hard times as a learning experience and an opportunity to become a stronger individual. Hopefully, I will be able to become more connected with the area I have lived my entire life and eventually help others who may go through similar experiences as me.

User avatar
CorkBoard
Posts: 3216
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby CorkBoard » Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:20 am

I skimmed over this but this needs more edits and that last paragraph needs to be split into two.

elcee1987
Posts: 90
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:40 am

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby elcee1987 » Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:37 pm

Yeah, it needs a bit of cleaning up with tenses. For instance at the beginning "and now I'm going to get..." would probably read better as "and now I was going to get," keep it in past present, not present. There's a few other issues as well. Have you had an English professor look it over? I did that and it was quite helpful for those little things.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:43 pm

Trashing your parents in a not-so-subtle plea for pity does not make an effective law school personal statement. Additionally, your writing suffers from excessive repetition & lack of meaningful insight.

In answer to your question "Is this ready to go?", the answer is yes--straight to the trash can.

cdj588
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun May 22, 2011 8:52 pm

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby cdj588 » Tue Nov 27, 2012 12:53 am

elcee1987 wrote:Yeah, it needs a bit of cleaning up with tenses. For instance at the beginning "and now I'm going to get..." would probably read better as "and now I was going to get," keep it in past present, not present. There's a few other issues as well. Have you had an English professor look it over? I did that and it was quite helpful for those little things.


No. No english professor. I would if I was still in school. Now Im kind of at a loss. I think I'll give the local community college a shout and see if they have any resources.

User avatar
CorkBoard
Posts: 3216
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby CorkBoard » Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:58 am

cdj588 wrote:
elcee1987 wrote:Yeah, it needs a bit of cleaning up with tenses. For instance at the beginning "and now I'm going to get..." would probably read better as "and now I was going to get," keep it in past present, not present. There's a few other issues as well. Have you had an English professor look it over? I did that and it was quite helpful for those little things.


No. No english professor. I would if I was still in school. Now Im kind of at a loss. I think I'll give the local community college a shout and see if they have any resources.

Honestly I don't really like the topic all too much. Do you have anything else you can write about?

cdj588
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun May 22, 2011 8:52 pm

Re: Is this ready to go?

Postby cdj588 » Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:20 am

I tried and I didnt like where they ended up. This is really what motivated me through highschool, college, and today. I went from not planning to go to college at all to going and making a 3.86 gpa and my sole motivation was to not end up like my parents. It is what it is.

The thing about writing stuff like this is there always going to be someone who likes it and someone who doesnt. I just need to get my grammer fixed so it conveys my story better and hope the person who reads it sees what I am trying to say. Also, Im hoping my GPA will help show Im a hard worker.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.