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PS 2nd draft review

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:56 am
by Anonymous User
First, I'd like to thank you for your help. I really need to finish this little baby.

Second, Im not a very emotional person and I dont like talking about my past, so I feel like my PS is a little corny. But my past is what motivated me so it is what it is. Just dont make fun of me please.

I'll never forget my sophomore year of high school, waiting patiently outside of the county jail as my dad scrambled around town collecting money for my mom's bail. Prior to this my mom had recently lost her job, a little later we lost our house, and now I'm going to get her out of jail for DWI and drug possession. I felt as if my world was falling apart at this point. The entire time I waited I just sat in my truck staring out into the distance thinking about how a life that seemed so normal could collapse so quickly.

Sadly this moment would not be the only one. The rest of my high school career and some of college held many trips to the jail to either visit or pick up my mom. My mom, the rock in my life, was arrested for DWI and possession of methamphetamines. When you tie that in with my father, who could commonly be found passed out at the kitchen table rather than asleep in bed lost most people, I thought life had hit rock bottom for me. When I look back on my young adult life I see someone with a state of mind full of anger and self doubt. I see someone whose whole life was plagued with misfortune from struggling to read and keep up with his peers because of his learning disability to struggling to keep a grip on life due to his family.

However, when I currently look back on my life I don't really see misfortune. Sometimes I'm grateful for how my young adult life unfolded. Yes I had a very difficult time learning to read, in fact I couldn't read until around 3rd grade, but my mom was always there doing Hooked on Phonics or some other learning tool with me every night as a child. She always encouraged me to work harder and harder. When I got older and my mom exited my life it was my dad and his new found sobriety that kept me strong and at times happy. He always reminded me, "This may be bad son, but always remember it could be much worse." To some that may not sound like the best thing to hear but, at that time it helped me put things into perspective.

Yes, I struggled with my learning disability, but I should be thankful I could still participate in a regular public school. Yes we lost our home, but at least we could afford the apartment. Yes my mom wasn't really in my life to be fully supportive of me at an age I needed all the support I could get, but at least she was there partially and my father finally decide to step up.

My life now is not much better than it was then. Once again everything has merely flip flopped. My Dad is still sober but has since been laid off after 30 years with his company. My mom she sobered up and thankfully found a job making half what she was. Still my dad reminds me, "This may be bad son, but always remember it could be much worse." Once again, he's correct and that is what keeps me positive. I was fortunate to do very well in college against all the odds and landed a great job so I can provide for my parents. My grandpa left us his house when he passed away so we have a roof over our head.

The point is I can currently look back on life and instead of being angry I realize all those events and situations gave me freedom to make choices on my own. They reinforced a drive and work ethic that was instilled in me at a young age. In actuality, I feel as if I turned all the negative events in my life as a drive to do good and be a better person than both my parents could ever be. I feel that I have done that already, but I still have that drive to keep succeeding.

I believe a law degree from your institution will take me to that next level of success. In my current job I see how a law degree can benefit almost anyone. It supplies you with a knowledge and skill that fits into various facets of life. It's this skill I desire to obtain. Not so I can say I did it or prove to myself I had the ability, but to supply myself with more events and situations to build from. My story shows my ability to handle tough situations, because I was put in a position where I had to work through a problem on my own and ultimately make the choices for myself. I do not see the hard times one may go through as an excuse to give up or put off responsibilities. I see hard times as a learning experience and an opportunity to become a stronger individual. Hopefully, I will be able to become more connected with the area I have lived in my entire life and eventually help others who may go through similar experiences as me.

Re: PS 2nd draft review

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 4:17 pm
by fruitoftheloom
Don't love your statement. Some thoughts:
1) You say you have a learning disability, but you don't state what it is.
2) You focus too much on your parents, and not enough on what you did / learned / grew. If you're going to write a statement about overcoming odds, you need to explain HOW you overcame those odds / learned / grew.
3) You say:
My story shows my ability to handle tough situations, because I was put in a position where I had to work through a problem on my own and ultimately make the choices for myself.
You don't show us how you had to work through a problem on your own, and you don't show us any choices that you made for yourself. All the 'choices' in your statement are made by others. For example: My dad told me it could be worse. So then my attitude wasn't so bad. Focus instead, on YOU.

Did you work through high school? Tell us about that
How was college? Were you worried about finances? tell us about that.

There are lots of good statements about overcoming hardship, but you have to do as much as you can to keep the focus on you. My statement is okay (not great). If you want to read it, PM me. It's also about overcoming a crappy mom.

Good luck!