Welcome to LOTS of critique, hoping to submit soon

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Welcome to LOTS of critique, hoping to submit soon

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:34 am

Here's my best shot thus far, tear it apart!

My pursuit of knowledge has been apart of who I am since before I began kindergarten. Questioning followed curiosity, which helped give me understanding about the world around me. As a child, I remember my mother explaining to me why the sky was blue. I was not content with the answer “because it is a reflection of the ocean.” I would push it further, asking “why is the sky blue when we are not near the ocean?” This inquisitive nature continued throughout my childhood and adolescence. However in my time in college, this journey for knowledge has truly taken shape. Through my life, this passion has developed to where it is now - with the desire to pursue a career in the legal field due to the immense good that the law can do.
As I arrived in college, my passion heightened and matured. Analyzing feminist theories in Lord of the Rings or negotiation tactics may seem obscure and irrelevant at the outset, but instead have provided me the ability to see the world through different lenses. These, and other classes through college, have continued to pique my interest and grant me with a better understanding of the world around me. Being able to perceive the world through a different lens will continue to assist me in the future as I study law.
Similarly, studying abroad for a year gave me a whole new perception on which to try and learn about the world beyond my college, home state, and country. From that time abroad, I was able to refine a key skill – the willingness to be open to new insights and look at them objectively, regardless of my own personal beliefs. This is a trait that I believe plays a key role for everyone in life, especially those seeking a career in the legal field. I know that much of my success in college is directly relatable to the passion I have had for knowledge and learning – both traditional classroom learning and experiential learning.
This passion for knowledge has reached a new high with my enhanced exposure to the legal field. Through a Constitutional Law class, I have been able to see the true power of jurisprudence and the law. While it may sound nerdy, just reading about decisions such as Heart of Atlanta Motel v. United States has been an incredible opportunity to read opinions written by some of the most brilliant minds, who take so few words and do so much good with them. To see how justices will take the Commerce Clause, just a few words in the Constitution, and use it to declare private forms of racial discrimination unconstitutional is inspiring and fascinating.
In my experience reading the some of the opinions of the Supreme Court Justices, they are similar to art. As with great works of art that redefine our standards of art, many of these cases have gone outside of the norm at the time and redefined how we view the law. They’ve created a new standard on how we view the law, which in turn can redefine the United States. These cases have lasted beyond the lifetime of their authors, and created foundations that all future cases are decided upon. Seeing the good that can be achieved through the legal field has guided my passion of knowledge.
Law school to me is the opportunity to not just continue learning, but to obtain knowledge that provides me a way to uniquely better the lives of others. While law school will not be just like that Constitutional Law class, understanding the law has become a source of great intrigue to me. Chances are that I will not write a decision like Justice Clark did in Heart of Atlanta, but that does not mean that law school or the legal field is any less appealing. The legal field is nothing short of amazing in this regard, because there are a vast number of facets, providing many potential outlets for the future. I know that my passion for knowledge and the law will be a great addition to XYZ University, and this enthusiasm will translate into future success in law school and beyond.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273111
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Welcome to LOTS of critique, hoping to submit soon

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:29 pm

bumpity bump bump

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nickb285
Posts: 1500
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:25 pm

Re: Welcome to LOTS of critique, hoping to submit soon

Postby nickb285 » Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:33 pm

Don't have time for a full critique, but broadly, this is fairly schizophrenic. You jump around from an overly detailed story about being a curious child, to some weird classes you took in college, to a brief mention of study abroad, to how you think law stuff is neat. Pick an experience, focus on it, and show why it contributed to who you are. Study abroad, for instance--rather than briefly mentioning it as something that made you "open," talk about the experiences you had and the ways in which your preconceptions were challenged. Make it a narrative rather than a brief and random piece that says "I like learning things, and law seems like a pretty cool thing to learn."




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