PS Rough Draft

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PS Rough Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:15 am

First draft that I wrote last night. Any help/critiques are welcomed.

As I sat next to the track listening to my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs, waiting to warm up for my championship race it dawned on me at that regardless of the outcome I was proud of all that I accomplished to this point. I thought back too all the training and adversity that I had overcome to be in this position that I knew that I had the ability to flourish in the race.
Soon after cross country tryouts freshmen year, I received an injury that didn’t allow me to run for many months. Not being to be able to run or train with the team devastated me, as running was one of my passions. However, I was determined to compete collegiately and nothing would stop me from obtaining this dream.
The path to recovery was not an easy or enjoyable one. The hours spent receiving treatment from the trainers and hours spent unaccompanied in the pool aqua jogging were not ideal, yet they were essential to my recovery and vital to achieving my dream of running on a colligate team. After many months of long tedious workouts in the pool, I was finally able to run again and took the first steps regaining my fitness and being able to compete again.
While at first I had to train on my own in order to re-make the roster, it taught me that my motivation to achieve a goal that I want would be extremely valuable to me as I progressed through life. Few people possess the motivation to wake up early on a Sunday morning in February to go on a twenty mile run when the temperature is below freezing and the wind raging in ones face. However, to achieve my goal this was vital to my success.
After much training on my own, I ran my way back on the team and was finally able to start competing again. While starting off slowly, I soon regained my confidence and was running better and better in each passing race. By the end of the season I had ran fast enough to qualify for the conference championship and despite having one of the slowest times, I knew that I had the determination to place well.
As I waited on the line with fifteen other runners, one could feel the tension as we waited for the official to shoot the starting gun. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the gun went off and the race began. As I settled near the back of the pack, I was far from worried as other competitors were as I knew that the race was not one in the first few laps, rather the ones that were patient and resolute would succeed. As I entered the last half mile of the race, I knew now was the time to move up and make my move. Despite the discomfort and fatigue I felt, continued moving up and passing runner after runner. On the last lap, I was running as fast as I could and although the lap only lasted thirty five seconds it felt like perpetuity.
After I finished and was raised off the track by my teammates, I learned that I had ran my personal best and made the podium. Overwhelmed with the praise from teammates and coaches, I put on my sweats and went outside to run my cool down. While outside I thought about the success I just had and realized though an accomplishment, it was still one step in an never ending process of becoming a better runner.

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Re: PS Rough Draft

Postby MarcusAurelius » Fri Nov 16, 2012 2:42 am

Hit the enter key between paragraphs.


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Re: PS Rough Draft

Postby 1TLStudent » Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:27 pm

Waiting to warm up for my championship race, I sat next to the track listening to my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs. As I sang along with him,"[INSERT BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN LYRICS THAT FIT BEST WITH 'proud of all that I accomplished to this point']," it dawned on me at that regardless of the outcome, I was proud of all that I accomplished to this point. I thought back to all the training that I had endured and the tribulations I had overcome to be able to end up in this position. The position where you have a daunting task at hand and cannot help but to smirk, as you think to yourself, "I know that I have the ability and have put in the effort necessary to flourish right now."

Just redid your intro, couldn't get through the whole thing right now.

BTW the whole insert lyrics part is just a suggestion to show some wittiness or cleverness to the reader. I'm sure you can find lyrics from him about sacrificing to attain a goal/being proud of what you've done (I'd suggest nothing longer than 10 words to avoid making the sentence awkward/hard to read).

Also, I glanced over the rest and it seems to not really have a tie into law school or your ability in ls. Use the experience as a metaphor for something. Or parallel it to your traits that would make you a ideal candidate. In example, how that resilience is what allowed you to do well in courses in school you found hard and how that same resilience is going to push you to be the best student you can be in law school despite poor gpa/lsat score(for a splitter). Or how that event and how you overcame it, engraved into your personality the habit of diligently preparing for tasks and putting in effort which is exemplified by your high gpa/lsat. Something like that. But more also. just my .02 HTH

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