Personal Statement Draft / Ideas Help!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Personal Statement Draft / Ideas Help!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Nov 04, 2012 9:47 pm

Hey everyone, I can't seem to wrap my personal statement together, I have so many different ideas. As some background info:

History of computers, started websites throughout college that have hit certain levels of success, business seeker, event planner. Never really had a 9-5 "job" but always found a way to make some money. Sophomore year best friend broke his neck, possible paralyzation, changed the way I think about a lot of things.

Anyway, here are one of my drafts:

I remember opening my first ebay account at 13 years old. Begging my parents for attention and gratitude as well as their credit card numbers and checking account information. They were and still are, skeptical about technology. Luckily, my uncle would finally persuade my dad to hand over the information and that’s when he knew I was onto something. I started selling old video games and toys, playing my chances at becoming the world’s richest 13 year old. I couldn’t help but smile knowing I had made my first hundred dollar bill. That’s when my craftiness came to good use. Experimenting, I would try out different types of auctions. I taught myself photoshop and web design and started selling custom made logos. I would always have to deter from the conversation about what design school I graduated. The hardest part was when ebayers would pester me to give them a phone call and discuss plans for some of their websites. Then I moved on to building my own. I saw the growing potential of the internet and where it was taking people. I could explore the world. At 13 years of age I was making an upwards of 75 bucks - a salary that competes with a majority of undergraduate students.

I started exploring possible hobbies. Books, music, movies were all a very large part of my life. I built my first computer at 14 years old because my parents couldn’t afford to buy me a new one so I made sure I could make enough logos to cover the costs.

Slowly, my friends followed. I built computers for everyone. Friends, family members would ask my parents how I managed to do all of this and they just started back with a blank face, “do you think we know?”

My drive was growing by the day, but I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Then it hit me. The educational background I receive from XXX will not only help me learn about how the business side of law works, but will allow me to materialize what I’m doing now into a career.


Should I continue with this or start from scratch? I'm completely lost! Thanks.

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Re: Personal Statement Draft / Ideas Help!

Postby thelawschoolproject » Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:03 am


So I actually like this "auctioning" thing you have going. I'm not really sure where it leads to. Did you end up starting a business? If so, that has some potential. I know you said you started different websites, but without more information I dno if that means "business" or not.

I also don't know where this "building computers" thing is going either. Where did that take you?

Right now it seems like you had a very profound interest in computers at a young age and that's stuck with you. Now that you're twenty-something years old (maybe?) what have you been doing with that passion? I think showing that commitment/growth is probably a good place to start for now.

I'd stay away from the best-friend thing. Stories about other people's situations have a bad habit of turning into statements focusing on the other person and not on you.

Good luck!

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Re: Personal Statement Draft / Ideas Help!

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:47 pm

I agree. In short, your law school PS lacks a solid theme---which is why you feel lost & directionless despite good material with which to craft your essay.

P.S. Don't overuse the pronoun "I" & make sure that you are consistent with verb tenses.

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