Yale 250 help?

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Yale 250 help?

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Nov 04, 2012 7:50 pm

Hi,
I'm having a lot of trouble creating something that actually says something in 250 words! This is 299 and feels so choppy because I had to cut so much out.
Feedback would be great!

On my block in Brooklyn, there is a bakery that sells oxtails, three bodegas, a used electronics store, and a coffee shop with vegan gluten free muffins. Though the last is the establishment I usually frequent, I feel a twinge of guilt every time. Am I helping to destroy the neighborhood? Am I pushing out people who have lived here for years? Am I a gentrifier?
I moved to my neighborhood because it was a bearable commute and was the safest area I could afford. It is made up of an immigrant working class population living in rent-controlled apartments, and a growing minority of recent college graduates. I am conscious that because of the influx of my cohorts, more upscale businesses will move to Prospect Heights. These businesses might not be affordable for the largely immigrant population that’s still makes up the bulk of my area. Once these new businesses come, landlords will raise the rent, and many who have been living here for years will be forced to find cheaper neighborhoods.
I am torn about what my role is and should be. I moved where I could afford to move, and I could afford to move there because it was not yet gentrified. Although for decades, neighborhoods have changed culturally, low socio-economic neighborhoods usually stayed affordable despite the changing cultural feel. Now encroaching waves of young educated individuals and families are forcing the residents out with their yoga studios and willingness to pay more in rent. I don’t want Brooklyn to become, like Manhattan, a place that most people cannot afford to live. I know that by moving to Brooklyn I am part of an inexorable tide toward gentrification, and yet there is no place else in the city I could feasibly live without having the same effect.

pahuber2
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:16 am

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby pahuber2 » Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:22 am

I was initially drawn by the imagery of oxtails and bodegas. The essay is frustrating for the reader because it doesn't solve anything. You are asking the same questions at the beginning and the end.

mmbt123
Posts: 94
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:47 am

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby mmbt123 » Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:53 am

I just don't get the sense that this is realy all that big of a issue/question in your life which makes me wonder why you're writing the 250 on this. i think that comes from, as the above poster notes, the lack of action on your thoughts/lack of resolution.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:45 am

That's an unusual bakery that sells all those things. Do you have to buy all three bodegas or can you just purchase one from the bakery ?

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:51 am

Best Yale 250 line ever: "I am conscious...."

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:53 am

Although the gentrification theme can work, your handling of it does not. This essay is a bit too superficial; it lacks depth of thought & insight. There just isn't much there there.

Hanntastic
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2012 7:48 pm

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby Hanntastic » Tue Nov 06, 2012 12:34 pm

thanks, originally it was 1,000 words. I'm not sure how to have any depth in a 250 word essay! I read the thread of people's who were accepted and I also found those very superficial as well. My point is that I'm very conflicted and I haven't reached a resolution but it is something that I am thinking about and feeling everyd ay.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Yale 250 help?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 06, 2012 12:37 pm

As written, your Yale 250 seems to be a Complaint Form response. You need to get beyond recognizing a problem & complaining about it. Try to offer a solution, for example. This approach should lead to a deeper mode of thought that should produce a more insightful product.




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