1st draft in progress.

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

1st draft in progress.

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:46 pm

Hi guys! This is a first draft still in progress. Interested in feedback one if I should keep going with this topic or scratch it and go a totally different direction? Thanks!!

After two seemingly endless hours of running, I was finally at the last mile of my first half marathon. I didn’t know if I should be excited because I was only a few thousand feet from accomplishing my goal or if I should be scared because I didn’t know how my legs could push through that last mile. Ten minutes later I crossed the finish line, and felt like I was on top of the world. I wasn’t the first person to finish, but that didn’t matter, what mattered was that I had finally achieved my goal. Running is a hobby that I picked up in college. It’s a great way for me to stay in shape, but at the same time blow off some stress from life. During my countless long runs, I’ve had plenty of time to think about why I was running and what running means to me. I started off running 5Ks, then 10Ks, and now half-marathons. To me, it’s all about the challenge of setting a new goal for yourself and the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment you have once you beat that goal. In a way, running is a lot like that challenges we face every day in life.

When I first began talking to my friends and family about the possibility of going to law school, they were absolutely baffled. Not only am I the first person in my family to earn a college degree, but my degree is in chemical engineering. For the longest time it was hard for my family and friends to understand how I could turn down a great paying job at the age of 22 to attend law school. For a while, I struggled to explain to them that law school was truly where I wanted to spend my next three years earning my degree. After getting frustrated and angry that my family thought I was making an irrational decision, I finally came up with a way to explain to them my passion for going to law school. I explained to them that in my life obtaining my undergraduate degree in chemical engineering was like running a 10k. It was difficult and challenging, but once the end was in sight I knew I wanted something bigger. For me personally, the something bigger is to attend law school. Law school is something that I want to dedicate three years of “training” to and finally be able to cross the finish line and know that I truly accomplished something that I wanted to do.

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CorkBoard
Posts: 3216
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: 1st draft in progress.

Postby CorkBoard » Tue Oct 30, 2012 5:41 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Hi guys! This is a first draft still in progress. Interested in feedback one if I should keep going with this topic or scratch it and go a totally different direction? Thanks!!

After two seemingly endless hours of running, I was finally at the last mile of my first half marathon. I didn’t know ifwhether I should behave been excited because I was only a few thousand feet from accomplishing my goal or if I should behave been scared because I didn’t know how my legs could possibly push through that last mile. Ten minutes later, I crossed the finish line, and felt like I was on top of the world. I wasn’t the first person to finish, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had finally achieved my goal.

Running is a hobby that I picked up in college. It’s a great way for me to stay in shape, but at the same time blow off some stress from life. During my countless long runs, I’ve had plenty of time to think about why I was running and what running means to me. I started off running 5Ks, then 10Ks, and now half-marathons. To me, it’s all about the challenge of setting a new goal for yourself and the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment you have once you beat that goal. In a way, running is a lot like that challenges we face every day in life.

When I first began talking to my friends and family about the possibility of going to law school, they were absolutely baffled. Not only am I the first person in my family to earn a college degree, but my degree is in chemical engineering. For the longest time it was hard for my family and friends to understand how I could turn down a great paying job at the age of 22 to attend law school. For a while, I struggled to explain to them that law school was truly where I wanted to spend my next three years earning my degree. After getting frustrated and angry that my family thought I was making an irrational decision, I finally came up with a way to explain to them my passion for going to law school. I explained to them that in my life obtaining my undergraduate degree in chemical engineering was like running a 10k. It was difficult and challenging, but once the end was in sight I knew I wanted something bigger. For me personally, the something bigger is to attend law school. Law school is something that I want to dedicate three years of “training” to and finally be able to cross the finish line and know that I truly accomplished something that I wanted to do. Weird tie-in. Got any other challenge you faced in life that you can use instead of this paragraph?

WhiskeynCoke
Posts: 372
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:12 am

Re: 1st draft in progress.

Postby WhiskeynCoke » Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:12 pm

This takes up an entire page and basically says nothing. Don't waste precious space with cliches and metaphors you used to convince your parents to get off your back.

In a way, running is a lot like that challenges we face every day in life.


Thanks for that, coach.

Your second paragraph seems to be entirely about "why law" without ever articulating "why law."

For the longest time it was hard for my family and friends to understand how I could turn down a great paying job at the age of 22 to attend law school. For a while, I struggled to explain to them that law school was truly where I wanted to spend my next three years earning my degree.


A metaphor about running a marathon does not adequately address your intellectual and/or professional interests in the field of law. If you're about to write an entire PS talking about how you convinced your family and friends why you wanted to study law, without ever articulating your "why law" points the reader, you're in big trouble.




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