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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
jenlt
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:08 pm

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Postby jenlt » Tue Oct 23, 2012 5:29 pm

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Last edited by jenlt on Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:55 pm, edited 3 times in total.

jmart154
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:30 pm

Re: Partial Rough Draft PS Help...

Postby jmart154 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:45 pm

I hate to be blunt but I honestly think you should scrap this and start over. It is predictable, and boring, and full of cliches. I think that your introduction, while it is intended to provide a blueprint for what you are subsequently going to talk about , is generic and lacks a "hook". Think to yourself: what are the chances the admissions committee will have seen something like this before? With thousands of applications, chances are, they have. When you are writing your PS you want to keep two main things in mind: 1)Does it show off my qualities and abilities? Does this PS "do work" for me? And 2)Does it set me apart from the other applicants?

As for number 2, are there any experiences in your postsecondary education that are unique or impressive? Anything in particular this will show adcomms that you are intelligent, motivated, caring, capable of overcoming adversity, a team player, and/or a leader, etc.? As of right now, your PS is all of over the place. First you start by introducing a mock trial scene (could you not use this experience as your PS? I think it would be great if you expanded on it and how it has fuelled your interest for Law), then you talk about clashing ideals at home, then an inspirational class at University. You're right, it is disjointed. Take some time to think about something that you've done that is impressive, and write a statement showing the above. I know you can do better! :)

jenlt
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:08 pm

Re: Partial Rough Draft PS Help...

Postby jenlt » Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:04 pm

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your advice. I had contemplated writing a personal statement on the mock trial but didn't know if it was too cliche since I assumed most applicant had done something of the sort. I think that is my best option as the only other undergrad experience I can think to write on would be studying abroad.
I really appreciate your input, it was very helpful. I've been confused about how much to cover in the ps be so this helps.




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