Critque my LLM PS please

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Anonymous User
Posts: 273140
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Critque my LLM PS please

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:25 pm

Coming from a traditional Pakistani-Muslim household, I was raised with certain values and a specific outlook on life and what it means to be a woman. My family is quite "liberal," in the limited ways in which Muslim families can be liberal: nobody wears the hijab (headscarf) and we tend to follow culture more than religion, often confusing the two. During my teen years I began studying Islam--learning the difference between cultural dictates and religious obligations. I eventually began wearing the hijab and at one point even the face veil. My extreme cultural upbringing coupled with a newly found religious fervor and an undeniable naivety led me to the decision that the point of my existence was to get married and be the ideal Muslim wife.

In the spring of 2007 my mother received a proposal for me. We met only once in an awkward gathering. As we sat in a big circle in my living room, surrounded by twenty of my parents' closest friends, we were asked if we had any questions for each other. "No," I replied shyly. He cracked a few jokes, and our fate was sealed: we were engaged. Without engaging in a single conversation, we were
married within two months.

I promptly learned that marriage was not the rosy picture I had painted in my mind. I became accustomed to my husband’s verbal and emotional abuse early on, so when the abuse took on a more physical nature, it failed to shock me as one might expect. My family helplessly looked on in shock and disbelief as the daughter and sister they raised to be confident, strong and outspoken suddenly appeared to be none of those things.

One day, I stood in the grocery store soup aisle as he screamed at me for putting his shirt into the washing machine. He liked his clothes hand washed, it kept them looking new. As I looked to the floor showing respect and submission, I suddenly asked myself "What have you turned into?" I promptly told him to go to hell and walked away. My "submissive wife" routine was occasionally interrupted by moments like these. I would vacillate between what I thought I should be: a submissive, respectful wife--and what I really was: a strong woman that is not willing to tolerate injustice, cruelty, or disrespect. It was then that I made the most difficult decision of my life: I would get a divorce. I knew what this meant for me in my culture: from this day forward, I would be viewed as "recycled goods." I knew the stigma, the social repercussions, the fact that I would be the girl whose marriage failed after four months, the fact that it is always the woman's fault---I knew it all. But I didn't care. I refused to accept this as my fate.

Five years later, I find myself nearing the end of my legal education at xxx Law School. I learned that my divorce did not mark the end of my life, but the beginning. Rather than facing ridicule within the community, I was surprised to find myself being praised as a role model for other Muslim women stuck in abusive marriages. Most importantly, I have developed into an independent woman, balancing my beliefs and values with the drive to build a career and future for myself.

My career aspirations include practicing in the field of Trusts & Estates, and more specifically, to join a large firm and aid in establishing a specialty group focusing on Islamic Inheritance and Estate planning. Additionally, I am currently writing an academic article detailing the tax complications that arise with Islamic Finance products, which are on the rise in the United States, and possible solutions within the tax code that will facilitate the success of this growing industry. It is my hope that I can build on this endeavor and one day work with Islamic Banks to decipher the implications of the tax code as it applies to their products. An LLM in Tax from xxx School of Law would facilitate achievement of these goals, making me the first woman in my family to pursue a full time work outside the home.

canarykb
Posts: 151
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:56 am

Re: Critque my LLM PS please

Postby canarykb » Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:46 am

I really like this PS! It's unique, personal, and shows your strength of character. I think it all works and flows really well.

One thing I would fix is removing the phrasing "I find myself" in this paragraph. It's overused and sounds to passive. You didn't find yourself there, you put in the work and got yourself there! Suggested edit :

Five years later, I [am] nearing the end of my legal education at xxx Law School. I learned that my divorce did not mark the end of my life, but the beginning. Rather than facing ridicule within the community, I was surprised [that many] praised [me] as a role model for other Muslim women stuck in abusive marriages. Most importantly, I have developed into an independent woman, balancing my beliefs and values with the drive to build a career and future for myself.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273140
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Critque my LLM PS please

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Oct 23, 2012 12:09 pm

canarykb wrote:I really like this PS! It's unique, personal, and shows your strength of character. I think it all works and flows really well.

One thing I would fix is removing the phrasing "I find myself" in this paragraph. It's overused and sounds to passive. You didn't find yourself there, you put in the work and got yourself there! Suggested edit :

Five years later, I [am] nearing the end of my legal education at xxx Law School. I learned that my divorce did not mark the end of my life, but the beginning. Rather than facing ridicule within the community, I was surprised [that many] praised [me] as a role model for other Muslim women stuck in abusive marriages. Most importantly, I have developed into an independent woman, balancing my beliefs and values with the drive to build a career and future for myself.



awesome points, thanks!




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