Personal Statement Help!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
InRodgersWeTrust
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:42 pm

Personal Statement Help!

Postby InRodgersWeTrust » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:46 pm

Finally got to doing a draft. Very rough so far I'd appreciate any feedback, it is too long right now so any suggestions on direction would be great. Thanks!


My parents got divorced when I was 16 and from then on I had no one to turn to when i wanted to talk or confide in, just my mother. Having only my mother to count on wasn’t something new to me though. Everyday I would dread going home because I would have to listen to fighting and anger. As I began to see how hard my mother works, she has been an inspiration to me because she puts everything on the line for me and I hope that I can one day come close to doing the same for her. My father was absent in the majority of my upbringing and I never really had a strong relationship with my father even before my parents were divorced. As a young man I always strived for my father’s approval in whatever I did and that began to seem like a endless endeavor. Once my parents separated I put a lot of blame on myself as to why their marriage didn’t work, because once again I felt I didn’t make my father proud. For the next few years I was quite distant from my father only speaking to him occasionally on the phone and I began to go on with life because he didn’t care enough to be in my life in the first place. Once I was in college, I thought of it as a new beginning, a place where I could be myself and pursue my own interests because they made me happy. I began my college career quite successfully getting near perfect grades and that feeling of accomplishment was amazing. I had accomplished something that made me happy and wasn’t worried about the approval from my father.
I began working my summers in a meat packing plant to help pay for school and anything else so my mother wouldn’t have to. While there were internships available with judges or other businesses, I wouldn’t trade my experience for any of those. I learned more about others and myself by working 50 hours or more 6-7 days a week all summer long than I think I ever would have in an office or courtroom. Everyday I would go to work at 5:30 in the morning and put on my frock, hairnet, bump cap, and I was off into the 35 degree plant. I started working unloading pallets from trailers for production in the various departments then I would transition to the dry storage warehouse for the rest of the day. I always looked forward to getting to the warehouse because it was so much warmer and after being in the freezer for a few hours my hands were basically numb. My enjoyment would quickly fade however because there was also no air conditioning and when it was over 100 degrees for a majority of the summer, the warehouse turned into a sauna. I have been working in that warehouse throughout college and I learned more than just how to drive a forklift, manage inventory, and how to stretch wrap a pallet faster than anyone else. Everyday I saw people who were willing to work in a freezer packing hamburgers into boxes, pushing tubs of meat, and never complaining. I saw how hard everyone worked and many of them were working for minimum wage just to support their family. Everyone truly is different, with different views and opinions, backgrounds and lifestyles; and I came to realize the person I truly was throughout my time working.
Superficial things are nice and many people strive to have status and power, but that made me less interested in those people and brought me back to what meant the most; family. You’re probably thinking I am crazy for saying family is what is important to me considering my relationship with my father. Oddly enough, my father is the exact reason why family is so important to me. My father suffered multiple strokes while I was in school. Honestly, at this point I didn’t even necessarily feel bad for my father from all the resent I had inside me from our turbulent relationship growing up. Anything he ever did to my mother or myself came back as I saw my father lying helpless in a hospital bed. I suppose it is rather cold for me to say I wasn’t concerned but I went on with my everyday life as it never happened. After my father was released from the hospital he came back to our house until he was able to be on his own again, but that day wouldn’t come. One day after I came home from school I found my dad lying on my kitchen floor, he had another stroke while I was gone and couldn’t move to call anyone for help. I immediately dropped my backpack and carried him back to my car to take him to the hospital. Some time went down the road and I began thinking about my childhood and how my father affected me and I realized that deep down I really did love him. My father was nothing of his former self and I could see the sorrow in his face. Turns out he was the one who felt that he let me down. Our relationship has grown as I helped him with therapy, got him groceries, did his laundry, took him to doctor appointments, and just being there for him as a son. A once non-existent relationship grew into the one I had longed for growing up. This is why my father helped me see that through all the troubles in life that family is what matters and I would do everything to protect them.

InRodgersWeTrust
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: Personal Statement Help!

Postby InRodgersWeTrust » Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:57 pm

Someone please just tear this apart, be brutally honest I want this to be perfect!




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