PS Draft in need of some criticism

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Anonymous User
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PS Draft in need of some criticism

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:55 pm

I am not 100% sold on keeping the quote in there, I don't know if I really need it. I haven't had any crazy life experiences or anything to really blow the adcomms out of the water so I hope that this is substantial enough. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” - Carl Sagan

****

The college experience is a transformative one; developing one’s intellectual abilities, personal responsibilities, and network of colleagues. The four years of undergraduate study are also a time when many students begin to change their views of the world around them, as they are exposed to differing viewpoints and boundless sources of information. This was no different for me as I progressed through my time at X University.

I had always excelled in academics, from elementary school through high school. I knew I had the ability to succeed at whatever college I attended, although it was not lost on me that X University posed a daunting challenge. I was prepared to dive head-first into my studies, and emerge with a new wealth of knowledge that would prepare me for the professional world. Standing now, a few months removed from graduation, I acknowledge that the academic trials of X University have certainly played a major role in preparing me for both law school and the post-collegiate world. It was, however, the university experience as a whole, and the changes that it cultivated in me, that have truly done the most to help me, “grasp the Universe as it really is.”

When I emerged from high school, I was a young man who was self-assured in his beliefs. Having attended a public high school with a graduating class of close to 160 students, there was not much in the way of intellectual stimulation outside of the classroom. When it came to important topics such as politics, or religion, my viewpoints were challenged solely by a small group of individuals. I also relied heavily on my parents when forming beliefs on these topics. One of the most important things to happen to me since was being exposed to the enormous variety of highly intelligent people in the college setting. These people, be it friends, professors, or classmates, forced me to reexamine my every assertion. In high school, watching a single news program, or hearing something secondhand, passed as research enough to make a claim on any number of topics. In college, I was forced to thoroughly investigate any issue before I formed an opinion on it. I shed my adolescent beliefs, which had been based on misguided arguments advanced by both teachers and parents alike, replacing them with an open mind that sought out the facts before I decided on any matter. Gone was my indifference toward a number of controversial topics; I fostered in myself a scientific mind that sought proof for claims.

This transformation, however, was not limited to my political, religious, or philosophical beliefs. I was exposed to a vast array of cultures and people that I had rarely come into contact with before. From the varying backgrounds of those in my freshman dormitory, to the range of life stories accompanying those in my fraternity, I was increasingly seeing the world through a more diverse lens. By my third year in college, my desire to expand my knowledge of the
world around me fortified my decision to both study and work abroad in London for a semester. The developments that my worldview had already made in my time at X University only grew during my time abroad.

Learning in not only the academic, but business environments, of the British, afforded me ample opportunity to expand my knowledge base. Working in a script consultancy, I learned the value of protecting our clients’ property, (something that affirmed my interest in eventually studying intellectual property law), while honing my writing skills as I produced script coverage reports. I also devoured British history, something that helped to articulate to me the details which which define British culture from our own. All of these experiences had me analyzing complex issues in a more global light. When I arrived back at X University for my senior year, I found my work being influenced by my time in the United Kingdom. I was bringing in knowledge of European political schemes to my Intro Law class, or British writing styles to my Magazine Editing class. My worldview had once again expanded and it forced me to reevaluate what I thought I knew. I realized that all of my experiences thus far only encouraged my desire to learn more about what has interested me most throughout my academic years: the law.

****

In law school, I will not only be exposed to the cases and writings of law that will prepare me for my future as a lawyer, but I will also be brought into contact with a wide array of individuals, cultures, and ideas that will help shape my thinking for the remainder of my life. It is obvious, then, that law school not only prepares one for their future career, but also aids one in their quest to, “grasp the Universe as it really is,” by once again expanding our worldview, and forcing us to reevaluate our preconceived notions.

canarykb
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Re: PS Draft in need of some criticism

Postby canarykb » Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:07 pm

You're selling yourself way short in this essay. I mean, you said that you haven't had "any crazy life experiences," but there must be unique things that you're passionate about? Something or some experience that really matters to you, and shows who you are? I just feel like you do every possible thing here to come across as generic.

Examples:

"This was no different for me as I progressed through my time at X University."
"Having attended a public high school with a graduating class of close to 160 students, there was not much in the way of intellectual stimulation outside of the classroom." - read: I made no effort to find or create intellectual stimulation outside of class.
"I shed my adolescent beliefs, which had been based on misguided arguments advanced by both teachers and parents alike, replacing them with an open mind that sought out the facts before I decided on any matter."
"I was exposed to a vast array of cultures and people that I had rarely come into contact with before. From the varying backgrounds of those in my freshman dormitory, to the range of life stories accompanying those in my fraternity, I was increasingly seeing the world through a more diverse lens."
"The developments that my worldview had already made in my time at X University only grew during my time abroad."
"I realized that all of my experiences thus far only encouraged my desire to learn more about what has interested me most throughout my academic years: the law."

None of these things say anything unique about you! Think about it - If this was given to one of your friends, would they know that it was you who wrote it? All I have gotten from this essay is you went to college. It helped you mature intellectually, probably, maybe, I don't really have the specifics.

I think you need to spend some more time in the brainstorming phase, and find a topic that really says something compelling to the adcomm. You don't have to have some amazing accomplishment or overcome some huge tragedy, just a topic that reflects who you are.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: PS Draft in need of some criticism

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 17, 2012 2:03 am

I wrote an original draft focused only on my experience abroad, but a prelaw advisor at my school told me it was too narrow and that it didnt tell adcomms enough about me. I was honestly reaching for some other experience to write about after that and I don't have much. I especially don't have anything to write about that really ties into my desire to study law. Taking all this into account I figured this was the best statement I could come up with without just straight up lying to adcomms about something I've done.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: PS Draft in need of some criticism

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:05 pm

bump?

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SumStalwart
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Re: PS Draft in need of some criticism

Postby SumStalwart » Thu Oct 18, 2012 11:49 pm

Let's see your study abroad PS. It might give us a better sense of what you're working with.

Other than that, I agree with canarykb. There isn't anything here that cannot be learned from a combination of your resume or your transcripts. If you really want to stick to this style, then you should get into more of the "nitty-gritty."

This part of TLS helps with the PS: http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to ... ments.html

TL;DR: the ad comms have specific questions:

Have you demonstrated intellectual excellence?
Have you had a tangible impact on individuals or groups?
Have you demonstrated good leadership skills?
Have you had real-world experience?
Can you look at an issue from multiple perspectives?
What will you bring to our school?
What brings you to our school?

Try to answer them. However, I think that it would be helpful for you to show us your other PS.




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