Need quick advice on a statement.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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kylemba
Posts: 87
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:11 am

Need quick advice on a statement.

Postby kylemba » Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:45 pm

Does something like this sound horrible? Sentence is leading up to the conclusion.

"I am not pursing a legal degree to save world from faulty court cases but"..... and then explains.

Honest and serious opinions please.

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eyescream
Posts: 52
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:47 pm

Re: Need quick advice on a statement.

Postby eyescream » Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:47 pm

It looks fine, but it's really hard to say without the rest of the statement.

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kylemba
Posts: 87
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:11 am

Re: Need quick advice on a statement.

Postby kylemba » Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:57 pm

Whole statement says:

"While I am not pursing a legal degree to save to world from faulty court cases, I am pursuing this degree so that one day I can represent the people who are helpless in the legal system as my father was."

Structure of the essays is:

1. Explains fathers court case that ruled against him based on assumption.
2. Explains how because of this the lives of me and my family had been changed.
3. Explains why I want to go to law school because of this event.




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