PS opening seems a bit contrived.

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desiballa21
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Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:33 pm

PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby desiballa21 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:21 pm

Is this generally a no-no? Re-reading it and the situation seems a bit contrived though it actually did happen. Best to go in another direction, maybe? Thoughts?

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rinkrat19
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Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby rinkrat19 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:23 pm

Can't tell without reading it, but a lot of times people try to put TOO much emotion into their PSes, particularly the intros, and they end up sounding very pearl-clutchingly, hand-wringingly dramatic. It may be that the event is fine but your language is over the top.

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desiballa21
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Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:33 pm

Re: PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby desiballa21 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:27 pm

Mind reading the intro quick if I PM you it?

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rinkrat19
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Re: PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby rinkrat19 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:31 pm

desiballa21 wrote:Mind reading the intro quick if I PM you it?

Sure.

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eyescream
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:47 pm

Re: PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby eyescream » Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:05 pm

I don't mind taking a look at it. Feel free to shoot me a PM, too.

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desiballa21
Posts: 440
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:33 pm

Re: PS opening seems a bit contrived.

Postby desiballa21 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:10 pm

PM'd. thanks.




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