ps

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Anonymous User
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ps

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:03 pm

ps
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

milosmom
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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby milosmom » Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:22 pm

I find the story you start with endearing. However, I think you focus too much on this one instance from childhood. They want to know who you are now. What things have you done recently to embody the theme established in your introductory story. This should be the focus of your essay not the anecdote about someone other than yourself or yourself at a very young age. The last paragraph shows you are open to learning, but you almost seem a little timid about your own qualifications to take on this next step and to contribute to the law school. You come across very personable and I would love to be in class with you, but you need to share your recent passions and achievements with the admissions officers to stand out of the crowd a bit.

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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:17 pm

milosmom wrote:I find the story you start with endearing. However, I think you focus too much on this one instance from childhood. They want to know who you are now. What things have you done recently to embody the theme established in your introductory story. This should be the focus of your essay not the anecdote about someone other than yourself or yourself at a very young age. The last paragraph shows you are open to learning, but you almost seem a little timid about your own qualifications to take on this next step and to contribute to the law school. You come across very personable and I would love to be in class with you, but you need to share your recent passions and achievements with the admissions officers to stand out of the crowd a bit.


OP here: So I can maybe keep the general idea of this (I like to learn), use the moment on the boardwalk, but put more detail into exactly how my life recently has resemebled this? Also, I was attempting to not come off as like I think I am "smarter than people", but you would say I actually sound timid? Thank you very much for all the input!

RPK34
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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby RPK34 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:49 pm

You never explain why law school. This is a PS that could be written for a masters degree in history, a PHD in biomed, a law degree, or an undergrad degree, and you would have no idea which until the last paragraph. Just wanting to learn is not why you go to law school, wanting to learn the law (lol) is why you go to law school. So find something better than "I want to learn shit"

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Tim0thy222
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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby Tim0thy222 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:02 pm

I thought I'd chime in here since the first time I applied to law school (I've been through 3 cycles now), I did a very similar essay about my relationship with my grandfather, and I think it really hurt me.

I think your essay, like my first essay, can pretty much be boiled down to "my grandfather really valued education and was a super cool dude, so now I want to learn stuff, and therefore I want to go to law school."

I'm not trying to mock your essay. I really think it's good in terms of essays in general. But I think legally minded people are always looking for the argument and the main points, especially when they're admissions people reading hundreds of essays, so I think people on the admissions committe may cut through your elegant writing looking for a convincing argument that your decision to go to law school is a mature and well-informed one, and they won't see it.

I later wrote an essay about an experience where I was unjustly treated as an employee, and I sought out legal recourse. I wrote about how this made me want to be an advocate for people who cannot navigate the law on their own. Then I combined it with some writing about how law is a professional aspiration that has been reinforced by my work experiences.

Maybe it was a coincidence, but I think this essay found greater success because it portrayed my decision to attend law school as much more informed and mature. I would consider writing an essay that still shows your passion for education, but also shows that you understand that being a lawyer is a job, and it's a job you're cut out for.

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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:17 pm

Tim0thy222 wrote:I thought I'd chime in here since the first time I applied to law school (I've been through 3 cycles now), I did a very similar essay about my relationship with my grandfather, and I think it really hurt me.

I think your essay, like my first essay, can pretty much be boiled down to "my grandfather really valued education and was a super cool dude, so now I want to learn stuff, and therefore I want to go to law school."

I'm not trying to mock your essay. I really think it's good in terms of essays in general. But I think legally minded people are always looking for the argument and the main points, especially when they're admissions people reading hundreds of essays, so I think people on the admissions committe may cut through your elegant writing looking for a convincing argument that your decision to go to law school is a mature and well-informed one, and they won't see it.

I later wrote an essay about an experience where I was unjustly treated as an employee, and I sought out legal recourse. I wrote about how this made me want to be an advocate for people who cannot navigate the law on their own. Then I combined it with some writing about how law is a professional aspiration that has been reinforced by my work experiences.

Maybe it was a coincidence, but I think this essay found greater success because it portrayed my decision to attend law school as much more informed and mature. I would consider writing an essay that still shows your passion for education, but also shows that you understand that being a lawyer is a job, and it's a job you're cut out for.


OP here

If you don't mind me asking, did your numbers improve between the two essays? I take your point to heart, but I feel the essay couldn't have been the sole factor? (I realize you never said it was the sole factor, but I am just eliminating possibilities)

I am open to ideas because the essay is important, but I would like to mend this basic essay instead of starting all over with a new idea, unless you feel that is a necessity.

I was thinking of adding in more about how my "thirst for knowledge" has lead me to do something tangible in my recent life, specifically something that can lead me into exactly why I want to go to law school (thus answering the logic question you raised) instead of just wanting to vaguely "learn".

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Tim0thy222
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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby Tim0thy222 » Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:01 am

The essay was certainly not the sole factor, but I am confident that it was a significant factor. I can tell you that I had an interview with Northwestern where I focused on my passion for learning, and the guy basically told me to go get a job and come back when I was a grown up. I really felt like I had been punched in the gut after that interview (I drove 3 hours to the nearest alum to have him tell me that).

I then regrouped and interviewed at Georgetown, where I talked about how the legal profession combined my passion for learning with the passion for client-focused work I developed in my jobs, and I was accepted. The point here is that law schools are absolutely looking to see that you want to be a lawyer, and that you aren't just a K-JD student that wants to stay in school for 3 more years. Reading this essay, it really looks like you may just want to go to law school for a few years and then do something other than be a lawyer, which will not only screw up the law school's employment statistics, but will also be a very poor financial decision for you if you take on significant debt to attend. It looks like the other people commenting here are I making similar points, and most of what I've read on TLS will also reiterate this.

It was hard for me to scrap my essay and start over. Not just because of the work, but because I was attached to the idea that my passion for education was sufficient reason for me to go to law school, and because I was upset that people were crapping all over something that I felt was a part of me. However, I do think you need to at least fuse half of this essay with half of a new essay, if not just completely scrap this essay and start over, for the reasons I listed above. I imagine that the fact that you still are applying to law school after these childhood experiences means that you have more mature and career-minded reasons for wanting to be a lawyer, and I think the admissions committees needs to see them.

Brasil9
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Re: Sound too naive? Too vague? Make you want to punch me?

Postby Brasil9 » Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:58 am

Hello, I am by no means an expert, but here are my thoughts on your ps. I did like the story and it made me personally connect with your experience, but as a few have said before in this thread, I think that it is missing a connection to why you would like to attend law school. Have you thought about perhaps attaching this idea of your interest in history into how this would benefit you as a lawyer? Past precedent in law is crucial and to have someone who understands and is interested in history surely helps while doing research. Perhaps show that your interest in history will give you an advantage over other candidates because of your research abilities or something of that nature.

I would also get rid of this entire paragraph as it makes you seem a bit weak. I don't think that you want to boast when you write these, but giving off a "weak" image is good either:

"Today I would I still describe my basic outlook on life the same way. I enjoy learning as much as I am able to, merely for the sake of learning itself. This is not to say I am uniquely gifted in an academic sense, for I have been continuously humbled by the talent and determination of those around me since I have grown from the boy I was on the boardwalk into the young adult I am today. In fact, one of the other pieces of advice my grandfather would often tell me was to learn as much as you can so you can know more than the next guy in the room, and once you know more than them all, find a bigger room."




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