Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
skri65
Posts: 484
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:07 pm

Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby skri65 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:40 am

.
Last edited by skri65 on Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

skri65
Posts: 484
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby skri65 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:31 pm

Bump

skri65
Posts: 484
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby skri65 » Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:43 am

Morning bump

cartelshigh
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:39 am

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby cartelshigh » Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:00 am

I'm also applying during this cycle and really hope you get into the places you want to go. I'm no expert so I won't comment on things I'm unsure about. However, your conclusion seems really weak to me. Why intellectual property? You seem to be saying that as a tech geek you will naturally be drawn into this field, but have you talked to lawyers in that field? I see the connection you're trying to make, but I don't really buy it.

Second, that last sentence of yours seems really tacky. You can put the name of any law school in those blanks and it'll work. It just screams that you didn't customize this essay for a particular school and it doesn't show that you've done your research (even if you have!).

Third, your 2nd paragraph seems a little fake. Funny thing is that I believe you. I think it's true. But the way it comes off is that you're trying to force your passion of "utilizing one's voice (which is pretty much arguing?) into your statement, as if this qualifies you for a spot at a law school. The lawyers I have talked to told me that a lot of law is NOT about arguing. It also seems disjointed... why exactly did you stop wholeheartedly chasing your passion for computers? Again, I don't really see the connection between this straying away from computers and your upbringing. Why should "a premium on one's ability to articulate" detract from your passion? Should law schools be expecting you to lose your passion for law if something gets in the way?

This is only your second draft, but it's clear that it's not a final draft. Don't worry, mine has a lots of kinks that have to be worked out as well. I spot a lot of places where 5 words can be condensed into 3 or something like that.

I really hope this helps!

skri65
Posts: 484
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby skri65 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 11:08 am

Thanks for the advice...anyone else?

User avatar
wert3813
Posts: 1408
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:29 pm

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby wert3813 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:37 pm

.
Last edited by wert3813 on Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

skri65
Posts: 484
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: Second Draft of PS: Tear. It. Apart.

Postby skri65 » Sun Oct 14, 2012 11:23 pm

Great, thanks. Anyone else?




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.