Help with Personal Statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:38 pm

Help with Personal Statement

Postby bburn008 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:37 am

Hello, if anyone could offer some help with a personal statement. I have all of my applications together with the exception of getting this out of the way. Let me know if this seems like a good idea I should keep working on or if i should scratch and start new. Thanks!

My personal statement is supposed to tell you something that you don’t see in my GPA, LSAT scores and resume. That’s good for me, because I believe the reason I am the most ideal candidate for your school isn’t shown in any of those pieces.

What you don’t see in my scores, in my internships and jobs, in my meetings with school presidents and State Senators, in my meeting the Governor of Virginia, and in my opportunities to speak before a group of 100 of my peers, is what I did in the background to keep it all together.

After my freshman year of college I decided to stop playing on XXX’s varsity lacrosse team so that I could start working and paying for my education. My parents were financially unable to support me and so I was taking out student loans to pay for school. Within 2 weeks of school starting, I was working as a hostess at a restaurant near campus. During sophomore and junior year I picked up more jobs and began to move my schedule so that I had school only two days a week so that I could work the other days. I was working at least 35 hours a week while maintaining a full course load so that I could graduate on time. To say it was demanding would be an understatement. Most days, even those Tuesdays and Thursdays I had class, I would wake up at 5:00 am to get to my job by 5:30. The rest of the day would be spent either attending classes or working at a sandwich shop near school. My nights were spent working overnight as a nanny or late at a local Blockbuster.

With all of the demands of working I was able to still volunteer 10 hours a week as a high school lacrosse coach, work as Regional Director of XXX, reside as President of XXX’s Chapter of XXX, and serve on the government relations advisory committee. It was challenging but I learned the most important life skills I possess today, time management and prioritizing. My letters of recommendation and GPA will attest to my drive and my academic aptitude. My LSAT score shows my ability to understand complex readings and highlights my reasoning skills. But what sets me apart, what I posses at a young age that many adults still have trouble handling, is that I already know how to manage my time, prioritize, and get the job done in an effective and outstanding way. This skill will be one of the main factors that will set me apart in my application and upon attending school.

Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2012 3:19 pm

Re: Help with Personal Statement

Postby underperformingurm » Wed Oct 10, 2012 8:28 am

I think you should consider another topic. Writing about being a working student is not a novel experience in and of itself. Perhaps you can focus on a work experience that was particularly meaningful or just choose another topic altogether.

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Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:48 pm

Re: Help with Personal Statement

Postby joshdm13 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:51 pm

Definitely look into another topic. As someone who also works to pay his way through college, I can understand that this is an important part of your life but the way this is written, I bet there is little here that the adcom won't know after looking at your resume. More specifically, you start off saying that a ps is supposed to tell the reader something other than gpa, lsat, resume, and you mention each of them. Also, the general rule is show, don't tell. If you did your job, the readers will come to those conclusions themselves.

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