Personal Statement First Draft (IP Based)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
patslogan27
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2012 8:02 am

Personal Statement First Draft (IP Based)

Postby patslogan27 » Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:39 pm

Greetings everyone, I'm applying for the 2012-13 cycle and I just finished the first draft of my personal statement. I'm interested in Intellectual Property Law so my statement is slanted toward that interest and basically answers the question "Why law school". I would appreciate it greatly if someone could look over it and offer any suggestions. I tried not to make it sound too much like a report and to add some personality to it. Thank you.


Why Law
As I walked into the room I felt as though I stood out. Everyone else was a law student and here I was in the autumn of my junior year of undergraduate education. The scene was Tucson, Arizona and I was visiting a class on torts at the University of Arizona School of Law. I sat down and chatted with a few students and then the professor entered and took his place at the front. It was go-time. The student who sat next to me offered to let me follow along in the case book as the class worked through the details of a case from the 1800’s about a gentleman who was galloping much too fast through a town. I listened along, casually at first but later much more intently. About twenty minutes into the discussion, I realized that law was exactly what I wanted to do. I am interested in becoming an attorney so that I can follow my intellectual interests and make a difference in the world around me.

There are a few particular areas of law that strike me as particularly stimulating but intellectual property litigation is the one that most triggers my fascination as I have a deep affinity for both technology and creativity. Just since I graduated from high school back in 2003 The United States of America has seen an immense amount of new technology. Computers have become smaller and more powerful, communication has become instantaneous and social media is practically ubiquitous today. For some, the fast pace of technology brings uncertainty but I look to the future with supreme optimism. With this optimism comes a sense of duty to protect the fruits of the creativity of others whose work I enjoy so much. One thing I learned in the real world was that the occasion is exceedingly seldom in which people work for free. They appreciate being paid for their efforts and expertise. I can imagine putting my heart and soul into a new product, spending years of my life on its design only to put it on the market and have the basic technology pilfered by someone who can add an insignificant “bell” or “whistle” and then turn around and sell that technology as their own idea. A stringent law of intellectual property is important in order to prevent the work of the brightest and most creative from being stolen by an opportunist.

jjrialva
Posts: 106
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2012 10:59 pm

Re: Personal Statement First Draft (IP Based)

Postby jjrialva » Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:24 am

Hi there! I'm by no means an expert on this but I'll try to give you some advice.

patslogan27 wrote:As I walked into the room I felt as though I stood out.

I don't feel this sentences adds that much to justify its inclusion. What are you getting out of this sentence? Remember economy. You could make the second sentence the first and merge it with the third to say you where in a class.

patslogan27 wrote:I listened along, casually at first but later much more intently. About twenty minutes into the discussion, I realized that law was exactly what I wanted to do.


This made you look (to me) as if you rush to make important decisions. 20 minutes later I decide what I want to do with the rest of my life?

patslogan27 wrote:I am interested in becoming an attorney so that I can follow my intellectual interests and make a difference in the world around me.

Too broad and makes you look like you have the savior complex.

patslogan27 wrote:There are a few particular areas of law that strike me as particularly stimulating but intellectual property litigation is the one that most triggers my fascination as I have a deep affinity for both technology and creativity.


Too many conclusions. Try to make a narration that supports all this things.

patslogan27 wrote:Just since I graduated from high school back in 2003 The United States of America has seen an immense amount of new technology. Computers have become smaller and more powerful, communication has become instantaneous and social media is practically ubiquitous today. For some, the fast pace of technology brings uncertainty but I look to the future with supreme optimism. With this optimism comes a sense of duty to protect the fruits of the creativity of others whose work I enjoy so much.


This is a weak connection between your enthusiasm in intellectual property and the sense of duty. It's kinda common sense, could have been said about the 90s and the sense of duty comes out of no where.

patslogan27 wrote:One thing I learned in the real world was that the occasion is exceedingly seldom in which people work for free. They appreciate being paid for their efforts and expertise. I can imagine putting my heart and soul into a new product, spending years of my life on its design only to put it on the market and have the basic technology pilfered by someone who can add an insignificant “bell” or “whistle” and then turn around and sell that technology as their own idea. A stringent law of intellectual property is important in order to prevent the work of the brightest and most creative from being stolen by an opportunist.


I would prefer an concrete anecdote if you have one. Maybe a case you followed closely where you live or something that happened to someone you know.

I would like to know HOW was it that you ended up in that torts class. What events lead up to it. That way you might express better your reasonable well thought interest in law. You don't want the admission official to think you ended up interested in one specific area of law after 20 minutes.

When you say that "for some fast pace of technology..." you are aiming at the right thing to do (that is differentiate from your peers) but I would say you're doing it wrong. Supreme optimism? how? it might sound naive to the committee.

It's very difficult to write a statement of why law while showing who you are if you don't have a strong basic idea to develop. I would suggest that if this doesn't work out and you're not happy with it maybe try moving on to an idea that gives an insight to who you are the good qualities in you. This could be done through ethical dilemmas, social situations etc. Always writing to show who you are not just assert it.

I understand this is your first draft don't feel insulted by anything I have said. I'm in the same process and I understand the difficulty involved. Good Luck!

patslogan27
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2012 8:02 am

Re: Personal Statement First Draft (IP Based)

Postby patslogan27 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 1:17 am

Hi jjrialva! Thanks for your comments. Yeah I think I'm going to have to definitely change the wording on that torts class anecdote. After re-reading it, it comes across as kinda rash and more than a little strange to be committed to law after 20 mins in a class. I think what I was going for was a sense that I was interested in law and attending the class put me over the top. Definitely going to be working on this non-stop. I appreciate the constructive criticism. Good luck on your writing as well.




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