Please critique!!

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Anonymous User
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Please critique!!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Sep 23, 2012 6:57 pm

Hi everyone!

Please critique my PS both for language and for content. I am not a native speaker so any corrections or suggestions for improvement in the language department will be much appreciated! I would love to hear comments on structure and content as well.

Thank you!!

When I was ten years old, I went to England for the first time, having studied English at school for a mere six months. I remember the moment when I met my host family in Plymouth and said the words I had rehearsed a hundred times on the ferry ride over the Channel: “Hello. Nice to meet you.” The feeling of elation came when my ‘hostmum’ smiled, and replied: “Nice to meet you too. Come on in.” This simple exchange, the fact that I had been understood by a native speaker and understood their reply in return, sparked a passion in me for the English language that has turned into a determining factor in my life.

Two weeks after this introduction was made, I returned to Italy with a suitcase full of books – Harry Potter, The Little Prince and other children’s stories. I read them all and rapidly progressed with my language skills. I was eager to learn more English and read everything I could get my hands on. As I grew older, I increasingly enjoyed reading books on foreign policy and English language newspapers. I was fascinated by the power of the English language – the way it allows people to communicate with each other from Australia to Hong Kong, from South Africa to England and the United States. Its universality allows the English language to connect continents and cultures – a luxury the Italian language does not afford.

Thus, learning English gave me access to a larger world and sparked my interest in how different countries and cultures interact with each other. This has become something of a quest for me: I learned fluent French in high school and am currently studying Portuguese and Korean. I have lived in Belgium, Australia, the United Kingdom, and South Korea for several months and gained a sense of how people in these countries see the world. At college, I have studied international relations both from a political and economic perspective and, over the years, have set my eyes on a career in the field of international relations.

Now, I am applying to law school with the aim of gaining a deeper understanding of international law. I am applying to X because of xyz. [full paragraph about merits of particular law school]

I am planning on taking full advantage of X’s course offers in public international law, human rights law and trade law. As a dual degree with the Master in International Affairs that X graduate school is offering, I believe that going to X law school will provide me with an opportunity to obtain a well rounded education in the field of international relations and give me the best possible chance at a career in this field.

Thus, I am asking for admission to X law school because to me it is both: a career move and the dream of a lifetime.

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