Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

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zabava
Posts: 61
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 6:30 pm

Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Postby zabava » Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:51 am

Hi guys, so I spent a ridiculously long time "writing" in order to produce this - see below. Please tear apart, I welcome all and any suggestions! I will gladly use my (albeit clearly stumped) editing skills to help you with yours!

PM me if you'd like to help :-)
Last edited by zabava on Sun Sep 16, 2012 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CorkBoard
Posts: 3216
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Postby CorkBoard » Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:52 pm

Too long. Needs paragraph breaks.

I'd cut the academic portion out of this PS and not consider your desire to do more a flaw. Your immigration story would probably be more compelling to a reader than the story of your studying in UG.

zabava
Posts: 61
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 6:30 pm

Re: Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Postby zabava » Sun Sep 16, 2012 8:20 pm

Thank you lots! :-)




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