PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

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aprsh8na
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Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:38 pm

PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

Postby aprsh8na » Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:43 pm

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt said it first, but I remember my mother saying it repeatedly throughout my life. I lived by that until my mother passed away; when she died I was left alone and devastated, she was my mentor and my best friend. Without her strength and encouragement not only were others allowed to make me feel inferior, I began to feel inferior.
After my mother’s death I felt a huge void in my life that I tried to fill with romantic relationships, to try and make me feel whole again. I got married and had a beautiful daughter, but I still felt empty, so I got divorced. I got into another relationship, this relationship validated that I had completely submitted to allowing the men in my life to make me feel inferior, and would lead me to the lowest point in my life.
His name was Russell, but everyone called him Bo, he was amazing he adored my daughter and I; and we adored him, it would only be a year before all that adoration would turn to fear and loathing. This relationship would last five more years during which time I would have another daughter, and was pregnant with a son at the time of my escape. The relationship took abuse to levels that I had only heard about before, physical, emotional, verbal…by the time that I was able to finally escape my self-esteem, self worth and any sense of self importance was shattered. I relocated to a new town several hours away from anyone and everyone I had ever known, I couldn’t call or visit out of fear that he would find me, I didn’t let anyone know where I was, I knew from the past that he was not beyond threatening or hurting people to try and find me and I refused to put anyone in that situation again.
So there I was in a new place, with three children, only a few personal items, and next to no money. I was an emotional wreck, I was alone and afraid. I had no means of being able to cope with all that had happened in my life and didn’t have the ability to reach out to the people I loved and that loved me. I thought this fresh start would be just what I needed that I would be able to recreate myself as this strong independent woman, and that no one would ever see the broken shell that I truly had become. I unfortunately lacked the self confidence to do that, I needed something that would give me an edge.
I had experimented with drugs in the past, but never really used to change my feelings or who I was, but here in this small town, in the emotional state I was in, I quickly met all the wrong people and would be introduced to the drug that I felt gave me the courage to move forward in my life. I was so far down emotionally that it was easy for addiction to quickly take control of my life and before I knew what had happened I was using to live and living to use. When I was using I felt that I was on top of my game, I was confident and strong, I could talk to anyone, I had no fear. To coin a phrase “I was ten feet tall and bullet proof.” I thought this was the edge that I had been looking for that this was just what I needed to get back into mainstream life. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
My feelings of being invincible quickly led into making dangerous decisions and on December 16, 2005 my world came crashing down I made one too many dangerous decisions and my children were taken into state custody and I was arrested for child endangerment. I had never been in any real trouble with the law that I couldn’t get myself out of, but things were different this time. Court proceedings soon followed, the judge and everyone involved told me I had a drug problem I told them they were wrong, I couldn’t give up the one thing that made me feel like I could finally function in the world. I just wanted them to give me back my kids and leave me alone. The court battle would last almost three years, they wanted me to get myself together and I felt they had taken my only reason to live…
About two or three months into the battle it was suggested that I attend a twelve step meeting, that maybe I would hear something there that would help me. At first I was really closed-minded I still didn’t think that I had a problem, and I didn’t want to be there. But I could identify to others in the rooms, their feelings of being unlovable and unimportant to everyone including themselves. After nine months of struggling in and out of the rooms I finally surrendered to the fact that I was an addict, and I didn’t want to die that way. That was November 5, 2006 since that date I have never had to use again.
I went back to school, after 20 years of wandering aimlessly so to speak; I finally realized that I needed to do something, anything to give my life purpose, I started off working on a degree in Criminal Justice, I wanted to understand the process of what was happening to me, and also I was in awe of my attorney, he knew just what to do in every situation that arose in my case. After finishing my AAS in Criminal Justice I wanted to know more so I began to work on my BS in Legal Studies, once I started learning about the law I knew somehow, someway that I had to be a part of it. My good grades and excellent GPA reinforced this decision for me.
I put myself through school working full time at the local McDonalds, and attended classes at night and somewhere in the middle I found the time to be a full-time mom as well. My children were completely returned to my custody on February 1st, 2008. I wanted to set an example for my children by going to college, and most days I think my children are as proud of me as I am of them. Today with the education I have obtained I now work for the lawyer who represented me through all of this.
What I realize is that while these experiences have changed my life forever, they have taught me that I have the power to be the change that I want to see in the world. As a lawyer I am confident that I could make a difference in my community, in the same fashion that my attorney made a difference in my life.

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presh
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Re: PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

Postby presh » Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:49 pm

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Last edited by presh on Tue Dec 29, 2015 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aprsh8na
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:38 pm

Re: PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

Postby aprsh8na » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:03 pm

Thank you this is the very first draft and I knew it was rough So I am trying to get all the input that I can! :D

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CorkBoard
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Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

Postby CorkBoard » Thu Aug 30, 2012 3:10 pm

Don't start with a quote.

I think you take too long to get to the meat of your story and you spend way too much time talking about the negatives in this PS. Talk more about how you overcame them.

aprsh8na
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:38 pm

Re: PS for editing and critique this is the first draft

Postby aprsh8na » Thu Aug 30, 2012 3:35 pm

Thanks I am re-working it now I will resubmit when I am finished with the 2nd draft
:D




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