1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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honeybadger12
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1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

Postby honeybadger12 » Wed Aug 22, 2012 12:11 am

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Last edited by honeybadger12 on Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bernaldiaz
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Re: 1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

Postby bernaldiaz » Wed Aug 22, 2012 12:41 am

The second sentence should not use a semicolon. Those are separate thoughts entirely. Sorry, that's just about how far I'm going to make it in but I guess some help is better than nothing haha.

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honeybadger12
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Re: 1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

Postby honeybadger12 » Wed Aug 22, 2012 12:45 am

bernaldiaz wrote:The second sentence should not use a semicolon. Those are separate thoughts entirely. Sorry, that's just about how far I'm going to make it in but I guess some help is better than nothing haha.

ha thanks

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bernaldiaz
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Re: 1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

Postby bernaldiaz » Wed Aug 22, 2012 12:52 am

honeybadger12 wrote:
bernaldiaz wrote:The second sentence should not use a semicolon. Those are separate thoughts entirely. Sorry, that's just about how far I'm going to make it in but I guess some help is better than nothing haha.

ha thanks


Okay I actually finished it. Obviously I'm a 0L too, but I actually really liked it. I think you tell a good story and provide and good rationale for why you want to be at law school. Other than the little grammar thing I already pointed out, I have one more pedantic little thing- when you said how you realized that Detroit is poor because people don't have cars. 56% of households in NYC (so probably upwards of 75% (???) of people) don't have cars- but it is not because of poverty. City life necessitates a different lifestyle. In the suburbs, where cars are necessary, it might be a germane statistic, but probably not for cities. Once again, just a foolishly silly little thing but you never know what will bother an adcomm.

If I PM you my PS will you give it a gander?

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honeybadger12
Posts: 270
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2012 10:40 pm

Re: 1st Draft of a Mostly Different PS

Postby honeybadger12 » Wed Aug 22, 2012 12:24 pm

bernaldiaz wrote:
honeybadger12 wrote:
bernaldiaz wrote:The second sentence should not use a semicolon. Those are separate thoughts entirely. Sorry, that's just about how far I'm going to make it in but I guess some help is better than nothing haha.

ha thanks


Okay I actually finished it. Obviously I'm a 0L too, but I actually really liked it. I think you tell a good story and provide and good rationale for why you want to be at law school. Other than the little grammar thing I already pointed out, I have one more pedantic little thing- when you said how you realized that Detroit is poor because people don't have cars. 56% of households in NYC (so probably upwards of 75% (???) of people) don't have cars- but it is not because of poverty. City life necessitates a different lifestyle. In the suburbs, where cars are necessary, it might be a germane statistic, but probably not for cities. Once again, just a foolishly silly little thing but you never know what will bother an adcomm.

If I PM you my PS will you give it a gander?

Thanks for the feedback! Great point about the cars; I hadn't considered that. I'll replace it with 47% of Detroit adults are functionally illiterate (presumably that is not true of NYC ha). I'd be glad to look at your PS.




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