New critiques

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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New critiques

Postby rufus&miles » Tue Aug 14, 2012 4:51 pm

Oh well. Time to try again, thanks for the input.
Last edited by rufus&miles on Wed Aug 15, 2012 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: New critiques

Postby nickb285 » Tue Aug 14, 2012 6:02 pm

I think you're spending too much time discussing your thesis. It's a good place to start, particularly since you have an interest in patent law, but I come away from your PS feeling like I know the following things about you:

1. You busted your hump and did a sweet-ass engineering project for your thesis.
2. You thought about going to law school, but decided to do more sweet-ass engineering projects.
3. You [presumably] have reasons for wanting to attend that particular law school.
4. You believe that you have good communication skills, and that you would do well in IP law, and want to grow.

We don't really know anything about you at the end except that you feel law school=personal growth for some unexplained reasons. I would suggest combining 1 and 2, as well as possibly 3 and 4, and using the extra space to demonstrate how engineering and the law coincided for you, or what makes you think law school=personal growth/why you're still pulled to it, or something about you that helps us get to know you as someone beyond just a guy who does sweet-ass engineering projects.

Also, you point out that you were excited about something exciting. Moar adjectives plz.

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Re: New critiques

Postby CorkBoard » Wed Aug 15, 2012 2:28 am

Your thesis is your topic? Really? Come on bro.

Pick a new one. This one is Snoresville.

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