My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
cgjeon
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:25 am

My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby cgjeon » Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:59 am

Hi, fellow TLS members.

I have finally finished my rough draft of my personal statement.

This personal statement might be very different from many others' but I just gave it a try giving my own twist.

English is not my 1st language, so I expect many errors but please read through them and give me as much constructive criticisms as you can.

Thank you very much.

Sam




EDIT : Thank you!
I am ready to revise or to start from scratch.
Last edited by cgjeon on Thu Aug 09, 2012 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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AlanShore
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby AlanShore » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:13 am

Oh wow. Please don't write about your DUI. You will write an addendum for that. Don't use the phrases "chick magnet" or "I was born ready". Change the whole thing. It's very bad.

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AlanShore
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby AlanShore » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:14 am

also, adcomms probably won't like that you think lawyers are devious.. or deviously smart...

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Lincoln
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby Lincoln » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:16 am

What is this I don't even...

cgjeon
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Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:25 am

Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby cgjeon » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:26 am

AlanShore wrote:Oh wow. Please don't write about your DUI. You will write an addendum for that. Don't use the phrases "chick magnet" or "I was born ready". Change the whole thing. It's very bad.


I decided to write about DUI to show how i overcame from my hardship.
I think I was playing a bit too much with words. I should definitely tone down with my jokes.
Should i take a different topic?

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Lincoln
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby Lincoln » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:51 am

I say this as someone who is also a non-native English speaker: aside from the fact that this is a terrible topic and terribly written PS, I think you may want to reconsider law school. I don't know how long you've been here, but given that you're in your 20s and seem to have lived here for some time, what are the chances that your English will improve? Practicing law in the U.S. means having to rely on your language skills on a daily basis, and your PS contains fairly significant grammatical mistakes. Your current level of proficiency in written English, based on this admittedly limited sample, will be an obstacle both in law school and at a firm.

If you, after seriously reconsidering it, decide to apply anyway, do so with a completely different PS.

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presh
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby presh » Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:09 am

.
Last edited by presh on Mon Dec 28, 2015 12:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

cgjeon
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:25 am

Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby cgjeon » Thu Aug 09, 2012 5:10 pm

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Last edited by cgjeon on Tue Aug 27, 2013 9:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

geauxsaints
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Re: My Personal Statement (EASY READ, many criticisms needed)

Postby geauxsaints » Fri Aug 10, 2012 1:32 am

Lincoln wrote:I say this as someone who is also a non-native English speaker: aside from the fact that this is a terrible topic and terribly written PS, I think you may want to reconsider law school. I don't know how long you've been here, but given that you're in your 20s and seem to have lived here for some time, what are the chances that your English will improve? Practicing law in the U.S. means having to rely on your language skills on a daily basis, and your PS contains fairly significant grammatical mistakes. Your current level of proficiency in written English, based on this admittedly limited sample, will be an obstacle both in law school and at a firm.

If you, after seriously reconsidering it, decide to apply anyway, do so with a completely different PS.


^ Absolutely splendid.




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